컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴 BIBLE ABSURDITIES Compiled by [*]Donald Morgan --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [*]Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created the heaven(s) and the earth." (But where did God dwell before he had created heaven and earth?) (Note: Biblicists have determined that biblical chronology fixes the date of creation at 4004 B.C. thereby making the earth about six thousand years old. Creationists stubbornly adhere to this timetable in spite of overwhelming evidence that the earth is actually billions of years old. Archaeologists tell us that the biblical city of Jericho has, itself, been continuously occupied for more than ten thousand years.) [*]Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created the heaven(s) and the earth". In the Hebrew, the word translated "God" is actually a plural form and should be translated "gods" as it is elsewhere in the Bible. (Note: The early Israelites were not monotheistic, but rather polytheistic, although they believed their God was superior to all other gods). [*]Genesis+1:3-5, [*]14-19 There was light ("night and day") before there was a sun. (Note: If there were no sun, there would be no night or day. Also, light from the newly created heavenly bodies seems to have reached the earth instantaneously though it now takes thousands or millions of years.) [*]Genesis 1:12, [*]16 Plants began to grow before there was sunlight. [*]Genesis 1:29 Every plant and tree which yield seed are given to us by God as good to eat. (Note: This would include poisonous plants such as hemlock, buckeye pod, nightshade, oleander.) [*]Genesis+2:15-23, [*]3:1-5, [*]1 Timothy 2:14 Eve was created after Adam had already been given the prohibition about eating the forbidden fruit. Eve believed the serpent (the craftiest of all of God's wild creatures) when he assured her that she would become wise and would not die if she ate the fruit. Eve has been blamed for causing Adam to fall, and ultimately for the fall of mankind. (Note: Prior to eating the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve would have had no knowledge of right and wrong; they would not have known that it was a sin to disobey God or to obey the serpent. After they ate the forbidden fruit, God placed a guard around the "Tree of Eternal Life" to keep them from eating its fruit. He could have done the same for the "Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil" before Adam and Eve disobeyed. In addition, even though the prohibition regarding the forbidden fruit was made to Adam before Eve came on the scene, Eve has been blamed for the Fall; [*]1 Timothy 2:14 says: "... Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.") [*]Genesis 3:1-5 The serpent speaks human language (presumably Hebrew). [*]Genesis 3:14-16 God curses the serpent, Eve, and Adam for what they have done. (Note: This is inconsistent with God's omniscience; God should have known full well, ahead of time, what the outcome would be. Since God created the three as well as the Tree of Knowledge, he is ultimately responsible for the Fall.) [*]Genesis 3:14 The serpent eats dust for the rest of his life (by command of God). [*]Genesis 4:15 Amark is placed on Cain as a distinctive identifying symbol when there were only three (known) persons on earth. [*]Genesis 4:17 Cain builds and populates a whole city in only two generations. [*]Genesis 6:4 There were giants on the earth at one time. (Note: No evidence exists to supports this assertion.) [*]Genesis 6:5 God is unhappy with the wickedness of man and decides to flood the earth to eliminate mankind. All living things including plants, animals, women and innocent children are also exterminated. (Note: This is like burning down a house to rid it of mice.) [*]Genesis 6:15 The size of Noah's Ark was such that there would be about one and a half cubic feet for each pair of the 2,000,000 to 5,000,000 species to be taken aboard. [*]Genesis 7:17-19 The flood covered the entire earth at the same time. (Note: There is no evidence of a worldwide flood, but rather of many, widespread, but local floods.) [*]Genesis 7:19-20 The flood covered the earth with water fifteen cubits (twenty plus feet) above the highest mountains.(Note: This would require steady, worldwide rainfall at the rate of about 6 inches per minute, 360 inches per hour, 8640 inches per day--for 40 days and nights--so as to cover the entire earth with an endless ocean 5 miles deep, thus burying 29,000 ft. Mt. Everest under 22 ft. of water. How did the author know the depth of the water? Did Noah take soundings? And where has all this water gone?) [*]Genesis 8:20 Noah's first recorded action following the flood is to sacrifice one of every clean animal and bird. (Considering that only a pair of each may have been aboard the Ark, this is rather wasteful and defeating.) [*]Genesis 8:21 The odor of Noah's sacrifices was pleasing to the Lord. [*]Genesis 9:12-16 God first creates the rainbow. (Note: Apparently the laws having to do with refraction of light were null and void prior to this time.) [*]Genesis 18:1, [*]7-8 God eats solid food with Abraham. [*]Genesis 30:37-43 Jacob alters the genetic characteristics of cattle by letting them view a striped rod. (Note: His purpose in doing so was to fleece Laban of his cattle.) [*]Genesis 32:24-30 God takes part in a wrestling match. He wins by injuring Jacob's hip. [*]Genesis 38:27-29 Twins are being delivered. One puts out his hand and the midwife binds it with a scarlet ribbon to identify him as the firstborn. But he draws back his hand, and his brother is born first (thereby obtaining the rights of the firstborn son). [*]Exodus 4:24 The Lord sought to kill Moses (one of his own prophets.) [*]Exodus 12:30 The Lord kills all the first-born of Egypt and there is not a house where there is not at least one dead. (This means that there was not a house in Egypt that did not include at least one first-born- --a most unusual situation.) [*]Exodus 12:37; [*]Numbers 1:45-46 The number of men of military age who take part in the Exodus is given as about 600,000. Allowing for women, children, and older men would probably mean that a total of more than 2,000,000 Israelites left Egypt at a time when the whole population of Egypt was less than 2,000,000. [*]Exodus 17:14 God says that he will utterly blot out the remembrances of Amalek. (That remembrance is now permanently preserved in the Bible.) [*]Exodus 28:34-35 Entering the holy place without wearing bells can result in death. [*]Leviticus 11:20-21 There are winged creatures (birds or insects) that go around on all fours. (Note: There are no birds that go around on four legs, and all insects have six legs.) [*]Leviticus 11:6 (States, incorrectly, that the rabbit, or hare, chews its cud.) [*]Leviticus+14:33-57 God himself believes that a house or clothes can have leprosy and he details the remedy. [*]Leviticus 14:49-53 The cure for leprosy involves incantations and the blood of a bird. [*]Numbers 11:31-33 A"wind from the Lord" brings such an abundance of quail that "he who gathered the least gathered ten homers," or about 62 bushels. Altogether, this would have been enough to fill several thousand boxcars. Unfortunately, it was immediately followed by a great plague (food poisoning?) from the Lord. [*]Numbers 22:21-30 Adonkey sees an angel, recognizes it as such, and then speaks in human language (presumably Hebrew) to his master. Deuteronomy 1:1 Moses speaks to "all" of Israel, perhaps 2,000,000 people (see [*]Exodus 12:37 above). [*]Deuteronomy 2:14 All of the "men of war"--some 600,000--who left Egypt in the Exodus were dead just thirty-eight years later. (See Exodus 12:37 above.) [*]Deuteronomy 7:15 Moses promises his people that the Lord will take away all sickness. [*]Deuteronomy 25:5-9 Aman has an obligation to produce a child with his brother's widow. If he refuses, his sister-in-law is to spit in his face in front of the elders. [*]Joshua 10:12-14 God obliges Joshua by making the sun and moon stand still (so that he can finish his battle by daylight). [*]Judges 3:21-22 (KJV) "Ehud ... took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out." [*]Judges 7:12 The camels were without number as the sand of the sea. [*]Judges 16:17-22 Samson loses his strength as a result of having his head shaved. (Note: This is not psychosomatic since he began to lose his strength while he was still asleep.) [*]Judges 20:16 There were seven hundred men who were left handed and could sling a stone at a hair and not miss. [*]1 Samuel 2:8; [*]Job 38:4; [*]Psalms 104:5 The earth has a foundation and cannot be moved. [*]1 Samuel 5:8-9 God causes "emerods" (hemorrhoids or tumors) amongst the Philistines (who have captured the Ark of the Covenant, where God was thought to reside). [*]1 Samuel 13:5 The Philistines had "... troops like the sand on the seashore in multitude." [*]1 Samuel 16:14-23 Evil spirits can come from God (and be exorcised with God's help). [*]1 Kings 3:12, [*]16-28 Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, can think of no better way to determine the natural mother of a child in dispute than to threaten to divide the child in half.(Note: This does not take into account the possibility of mental derangement on the part of the natural mother.) [*]1 Kings 4:29 God gave Solomon wisdom as measureless as the sand on the seashore. [*]1 Kings 6:2; [*]2 Chronicles 3:3 Solomon's temple was only about ninety feet long by thirty feet wide, and yet: [*]1 Kings 5:15-16 153,300 persons were employed to build it. [*]1 Kings 6:38 It took seven years to build. [*]1 Chronicles22:14 13,100,000 lbs. of gold and 116,400,000 lbs. of silver were consumed in its construction. [*]1 Chronicles 23:4 24,000 supervisors and 6,000 officials and judges were employed to manage it. [*]1 Kings 10:24 The whole world sought an audience with Solomon to hear his wisdom. [*]1 Kings 17:2-6 The Lord commands ravens to bring bread and meat to Elijah. [*]1 Kings 18:33-38 Fire consumes wet wood, stones, and dust, and "licks up" water. [*]2 Kings 6:5-7 An iron axe head "swims" (or floats). [*]2 Chronicles 9:23 All the kings on earth sought the presence of Solomon to hear his wisdom. [*]2 Kings 13:21 Aman who is being buried comes alive after touching the bones of Elisha. [*]2 Kings+16:2, [*]20, [*]18:1-2 Ahaz was thirty-six years old when he died. His twenty-five year old son Hezekiah succeeded him. Thus Ahaz was a ten or eleven year old father. [*]2 Kings 19:35 (KJV) "...the angel of the Lord...smote...an hundred four score and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning ... they were all dead...." [*]2 Kings 20:11 The shadow on a sun dial moves backwards. [*]2 Chronicles 7:5, [*]8-9 Solomon sacrificed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep in one week. This is 845+ animals per hour, 14+ animals per minute, for seven days straight. [*]2 Chronicles 21:20, [*]22:1-2 Ahaziah was forty-two when he became king; he succeeded his father, who died at the age of forty. Thus, Ahaziah was two years older than his father. [*]2 Chronicles 13:3 Abijah sent 400,000 men into battle against Jeroboam's 800,000 men. This is a total of 1,200,000 men, all of them Jews. (Note: Assuming one additional woman per man of fighting age, plus two persons per man [either older persons or children] would put the Jewish population of the surrounding area at a minimum of 4,800,000 persons hardly feasible.) [*]2 Chronicles 13:17 500,000 Israelites are slain in a single battle. (Note: This is more than were lost in any single battle of World War II, and even approaches the number of deaths that resulted from the dropping of the atomic bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. At Gettysburg, the greatest battle of the Civil War, the defeated army lost 5,000 men.) [*]Esther 6:6; [*]Job 19:27; [*]Psalms 7:9, [*]16:7, [*]73:21; [*]Proverbs 23:7, [*]23:16; [*]Isaiah 10:7; [*]Jeremiah 11:20, [*]17:10, [*]20: 12; [*]Matthew 9:4; [*]Luke 2:19, [*]9:47; [*]Acts 8:22; [*]Romans 10:9-10; [*]Hebrews 4:12; [*]Revelation 2:23 (See KJV especially.) Thought occurs in the heart. The kidneys ("reins") are the seat of conscience.(Note: This is not merely a poetic use of these terms, as is now claimed. In early times, it was actually believed that various body organs other than the brain were responsible for our thoughts, feelings, actions and the like. The heart was believed to be the seat of thought processes and beliefs, while the kidneys were thought to be the seat of conscience.) [*]Job 9:6 (KJV) God shakes the earth out of its place and makes its pillars tremble. [*]Job 9:7 God can make the sun not rise and seal up the stars. [*]Job 28:28; [*]Psalms 111:10; [*]Proverbs 1:7, [*]Proverbs 9:10, [*]Proverbs 15:33; [*]Isaiah 33:6 Fear of the Lord is equated with obtaining wisdom. [*]Psalms 58:8 Slugs and/or snails melt as they move. [*]Psalms 121:6 It is apparently possible to suffer moonstroke as well as sunstroke. [*]Proverbs 19:23, [*]Proverbs 22:4 Fear of the Lord brings freedom from trouble(s). Humility and fear of the Lord bring wealth, honor, and life. [*]Proverbs 20:30 Blows that wound cleanse away evil. [*]Isaiah 11:12; [*]Revelation 7:1 The earth has four corners. [*]Isaiah 24:1 (KJV) The earth can be turned upside down so as to scatter its inhabitants. [*]Isaiah 30:26 The moon will someday be as bright as the sun now is. (Note: Until relatively recent times, the moon and the planets were thought to give off their own light.) [*]Isaiah 38:8 The shadow of the Sun is made to move backwards. [*]Isaiah 40:22 The earth is a circle.(Note: The earth is really a sphere, not a circle, and this verse does not imply a sphere as some believers like to infer.) [*]Jeremiah 20:7; [*]Ezekiel 14:9 Jeremiah says that the Lord deceived his own prophet. God himself says that he deceives his own prophets in order to get rid of them. [*]Ezekiel 37:1-10 Dry bones come alive. [*]Daniel 4:11 Daniel dreams of a tree so tall that it can be seen to the ends of the earth. (Note: This implies a flat earth.) [*]Amos 8:9 The Sun will be made to set at noon in "clear day." [*]Matthew 4:8 There is a high mountain from which all the kingdoms of the world can be seen. (Note: This implies a flat earth.) [*]Matthew 4:23-24, [*]9:32-33, [*]12:22, [*]17:14-18; [*]Mark 1: 23-26, [*]32-34, [*]5:2-16, [*]9:17-29, [*]16:9; [*]Luke 11:14, [*]4: 33-35, [*]8:2, [*]8:27-36, [*]9:38-42; [*]Acts 8:7, [*]16:16-18 Both physical and mental Illness are caused by demon possession and can be cured by exorcism. [*]Matthew 7:7-8; [*]Luke 11:9-10 Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Everyone who asks, receives. [*]Matthew 13:41 Jesus will send his angels to purge his kingdom of evildoers and sin. (Note: How did evildoers get into his kingdom in the first place?) [*]Matthew 17:20, [*]21:21; [*]Mark 9:23, [*]10:27, [*]11:23; [*]Luke 17:6 Faith can move mountains. Nothing is impossible if you have faith [as small as] a grain of mustard seed. [*]Matthew 18:19 If two [believers] agree about anything they ask, God will do it for them. [*]Matthew 21:22; [*]Mark 11:24 Whatever you ask in prayer, if you have faith, you will receive it. [*]Matthew 24:29-30 Although the sun and the moon have been darkened and the stars have fallen from heaven, there is still enough light to see. [*]Matthew 26:52 All who take the sword will perish by it. [*]Matthew 27:52-53 The bodies of dead saints arise and go in force in the city. [*]Mark 11:12-14, [*]20-21 Jesus curses a fig tree for not bearing fruit out of season. (Note: Rather than cause the fig tree to wither and to bear fruit never again, he could have performed a miracle and made it bear fruit even out of season.) [*]Mark 16:17-18 Those who believe are able to handle snakes and drink any deadly poison without suffering harm. [*]Luke 1:39-42 The fetus in Elizabeth's womb jumps for joy when Elizabeth hears Mary (who is pregnant with Jesus). [*]Luke 22:28-30 Jesus assigns each of his twelve disciples (including Judas, his betrayer) a place (or throne) in his kingdom. [*]John 6:24-30 Alarge crowd of persons (probably several thousand) asks Jesus, apparently speaking in unison, for a sign so that they might see and believe. This occurs immediately following the Feeding of the Multitude which should have been one of the greatest miracles and most convincing signs of all time. [*]John 8:51 Jesus says: "... if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death." [*]John 12:34 Acrowd of persons, apparently speaking in unison, asks a thirty word question. [*]John 16:23 Jesus says: "Whatever you ask in my name, my Father will give you." [*]Romans 10:17-18; [*]Colossians 1:23 The gospel had already been preached to every living creature even in Paul's time. [*]2 Corinthians 12:2 There are at least three heavens. [*]2 Corinthians 12:4 There are things which cannot be told--things which man cannot utter. [*]Galatians 1:8-9 An angel (from God?) who preaches a gospel contrary to that of Paul will incur Paul's wrath. [*]1 Timothy 5:11 Younger widows want to marry because their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ. [*]1 Timothy 6:10 The love of money is the root of all evil(s). [*]Hebrews 7:1-3 Melchizedek had no mother or father, no beginning or end. [*]Revelation 14:1-4 Heaven is to be inhabited by 144,000 virgin men who have not been "defiled" by women. [*]Revelation 21:16 Heaven is only about 1500 miles square.