alt.sex.movies FAQ v5.65 Part 10 of 12 What Should I Rent? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Sections marked with [updated] were updated since the last revision Sections marked with [new] were added since the last revision This FAQ is Copyright 1994-6 by Jeff Knapp, and is made available as a service to the Internet community. It may not be sold in any medium, including electronic, CD-ROM, or database, packaged with any commercial product, or published in print, without the explicit, written permission of Jeff Knapp. Send comments to director@gti.net =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TABLE OF CONTENTS 34 How should I know what movies to rent? 35 What kind of movies should I watch with my partner? 36 Are there "couples" directors to watch out for? [updated] 36.1 Andrew Blake 36.2 John Leslie 36.3 Candida Royalle 36.4 Svetlana 36.5 Paul Thomas 37 Myths of Couples Porn 38 What is all this I keep hearing about "The Golden Age?" 39 So tell me more about this Blockbuster video chain... 39.1 Why are some of the movies I rent at Blockbuster different from the same movie I rent at "Joe's House of Video"? Is Mommy Blockbuster editing them? 39.2 Two versions? 39.3 Why multiple versions? 39.4 Once again, does Blockbuster pay the studios to cut out all the bad stuff? 39.5 Okay, okay, we've left porn to discuss mainstream films. I've seen a director's cut of "The Color of Night" at Blockbuster. Explain that one..... 39.6 You mean that Blockbuster doesn't get special versions of videos? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 34 How should I know what movies to rent? Unfortunately, there is no easy solution, and the phrase "your mileage may vary" really comes into play when discussing porn viewing, and even *more* when discussing porn viewing on a budget. The percentage of wheat to chaff in the current market is very small, so you have to rely upon a few things to get you through the night. Unfortunately, these things come with a lot of porn viewing, so it may not fly if you're on a budget. 1) Get to know the names of your favorite stars. This seems like a silly point, but its amazing how may "Who's the blonde wearing the olive wreath in the orgy with Peter North, Tom Byron and Barbara Dare?" questions... (It was Ginger Lynn by the way...) Knowing your favorite stars names helps find movies they're in when they're not on the box... this is especially helpful when you prefer a second string star like Patricia Kennedy, as she is almost NEVER on a boxcover. (Draw your own conclusions... I like her, personally) 2) Get to know the names of your favorite directors The director controls the feel of the film, if little else. You know that if you rent a recent John T. Bone film, you'll probably get something with crappy production qualities, some freaks, a gangbang and facials. If you rent John Leslie you'll get a potentially dark yet nonetheless satisfying film experience. If you rent Seymore Butts, you'll probably get that babe Shane as well as some okay first person camerawork. Rodney Moore specializes in facials and first person perspectives. Max Hardcore vilifies and abuses women while stretching their orifices to inhuman (IMHO) proportions... You'll find a guy you like and you should stick with him. The better directors don't push out the product like Ford pushes out cars... the better ones take some time between films and it shows. 3) Find a reviewer you agree with (or disagree with) Many people have many different tastes and it is difficult to make blanket statements about anything that we expect anyone to agree with. I happened to think Justine was a pretty decent film. I would go back to it in the future. You don't feel that way. So the question is why. The why can be found out by reading reviews. From the reviews you can see whether or not you agree with the reviewer, and base your judgments accordingly. I tend to agree with Roger Ebert so if he gives something a good mark, I'll trust him. I do not trust someone like Clive Barnes (of the NY Post, known to sleep through shows he is reviewing) and won't take his word on anything. 4) Find a label you like I find that VCA tends to release mostly good product (Imperator would semi-violently disagree with this statement). Its bad product can be determined by who the director is generally. Evil Angel is consistently good, though the Buttslammers series is wearing on at this point... Within each of these labels are good and bad directors. From Evil Angel, I would faster rent a John Stagliano film than one by Bionca. From VCA I would rent a Greg Dark picture quicker than a Wesley Emerson who would be quicker than Bud Lee (actually, I NEVER pick up Bud Lee.. and I tend to like Emerson's work....). So, all are factors in finding successful films. I strongly recommend you take the time and explore Ron Wilhelm's Adult Film Database at http://homepage.eznet.net/~rwilhelm/asm/dbsearch.html. You can search for stars and directors and get lists of films they did, to help you in your selection. Failing that, the blokes on a.s.m. should be a great help, so don't be afraid to ask! =========================================================================== 35 What kind of movies should I watch with my partner? Ones that you like that don't make each other feel uncomfortable. However, everyone's opinion on this will vary. Others may recommend some older films, from "The Golden Age." Back in the late 70s and early 80s, before the video revolution, adult films were shot _on film._ As such, with film being an expensive medium, and adult films being available in theatres only, people generally took their time and made interesting stories. "The Opening of Misty Beethoven", "7 into Snowy", "Devil in Miss Jones 2", "8 to 4", and "High School Memories" are all great movies. Gay viewers often find the late 1970 film THE IDOL as well as more recent films such as HOLD ME AGAIN, ROMEO AND JULIAN, MORE OF A MAN, and SONGS IN THE KEY OF SEX romantic, heavy on the plot, and good in terms of characterization. =========================================================================== 36 Are there "couples" directors to watch out for? [updated] As with any visual medium, the director is the person held responsible (or given credit for) the overall film -- even though the *producer* picks up the awards... ah, but what the heck... no sour grapes here... Anyway, adult movies have their own set of Welleses (and I don't mean Tori!), Hawks, and Scorseses. In fact, Brad Williams wrote a great essay on the subject which can be found in the a.s.m. library: http://home.eznet.net/~rwilhelm/asm/library I cannot emphasize enough that your mileage may vary with these suggestions. The suggestions were made making an assumption that part of your duo may not be familiar with adult videos and will not be interested in gangbangs the first time out of the gate. Anyway, an overview of the more well rounded directors (in non-partisan alphabetical order): 36.1 Andrew Blake Andrew Blake makes movies that are very "artistic." Lots of slow moving camera, beautifully lit and photographed, super attractive performers. His movies are a good starting place with an unprepared partner. One caveat: some may find these films unbelievably boring and without passion. It is true that Blake is more concerned with the "look" than the "feel." Check out "Night Trips" if you can find it. That was his first, and IMHO, his best. Secrets is also thought of being "volcanic" by Blake's standards. Blake brought movie making back into porn and can be credited with the success of filmmakers like Cameron Grant and Michael Ninn. He ushered in the style over substance that (Ninn especially) seems to be pervading high budget porn these days. While his movies are overwhelming beautiful, they are equally sterile and many feel without heat. 36.2 John Leslie John Leslie, who directs for his own production company (under the E/Angel umbrella) has made a good deal of movies aimed at the discerning porn consumer. He started directing at VCA where he made such films as "Curse of the Catwoman", "The Chameleon" and "Chameleons: Not the Sequel". Most of these VCA-era films carry a strong a plot, professional production and mucho sexual heat. They were mostly shot by Jack Remy, one of the best cinematographers in the business. Of his latter films, it could be said that they are a little too dark and brooding for some taste, but to each his (or her) own. Leslie, also to his credit, has perhaps the best soundtracks in the history of porn -- jazzy saxophone tunes and funk blues numbers that put Kenny G to shame ;-) His more recent films can be moved into two categories: those he does for money and those he does for "art." Happily, neither category is each other's lesser. In the former category are John's "Buttman" ripoffs called "The Voyeur." Here, John runs around "spying" on newcomers to the business. It is a good series as these things go, but not as satisfying as his "art" films. "Dog Walker" is one of his projects where a dark mood pervades everyone and everything. Filmed with a lot of smoke and haze, Dog Walker is much more than your average fuck-a-thon. Reviews are available at Ron's review site: http://www.io.com/~rwilhelm/asm/reviews 36.3 Candida Royalle Candida Royalle, a performer turned producer/director, now releases films through her company, Femme Productions. Her films tend to have a more romantic slant than most pornographic movies, and are generally less graphic in their depictions (cumshot not guaranteed). 36.4 Svetlana For those who do not look for serious plotlines and acting in porn but rather for light, sexy premises, a more appropriate choice would be the work of Svetlana. Though some of "her" oeuvre definitely belong to the Golden Age ("800 Fantasy Lane", "F", "Bad Girls"), Svetlana continued to make wonderfully cute, fluffy romps well into the 80s. Alone among porn creators, Svetlana managed to unite the silly and carefree air of erotic B-films with the sexual heat of hardcore. Arguably the best examples of these qualities are "her" Hawaiian batch "A Bit of Hanky Panky", "Pink Lagoon" and "Panty Raid", that are also notable for being the debuts of 80s mega-cuties Ginger Lynn and Stacey Donovan. So, if you and your SO appreciate seeing a host of scantily clad gorgeous lads and lasses romping amidst delightful scenery, then perhaps Svetlana is your answer. Her later 80s work also include the passable action series "Miami Spice I and II" A word of warning though: some of Svetlana's best work is sadly now unavailable in the US, either for featuring an underage Traci Lords (e.g. "Bad Girls 3") or for including some "taboo" material (e.g. the bondage parts of "Bad Girls")." Thanks to Imperator for this section... 36.5 Paul Thomas Paul Thomas, who directs for Vivid almost exclusively, can make a movie with good production values, though he sometimes forgets the heat of sex due to his focus on plot. However, his films are geared towards a "couples" market, which makes them a reliable choice for first-timers. =========================================================================== 37 Myths of Couples Porn A lurker known as Cinemaniac offers this for your consideration: Before you begin, though, there are a few "myths of couples porn" that I'd like to dispel: MYTH #1: Women like different things than men do. The more we watch, the more we find this to be nonsense. We both like well- shot images of good-looking people enjoying themselves while having hot sex. Sure, your individual tastes might differ in some respects, but that's because tastes differ, even among guys (monster facials leave me unmoved, for example). Still, your *first* film as a couple probably shouldn't be "Depraved Fantasies." Think of porn as Chinese food; if you haven't had it before, it's probably best to start with Cantonese, see if you like it, and then work your way up to Szechuan. Candida Royalle is the Cantonese chef extraordinaire of porn: mighty good, but not too spicy or unfamiliar. MYTH #2: A good story matters. We don't find this to be so, I'm afraid, for two reasons. First, when watching as a couple, we're rarely paying all that much attention to the story anyway; lately, we haven't even been watching with the sound on. Second, if you really love a good story, porn will inevitably disappoint. Let's face it: the very best porn film ever made is only a mediocre movie. Don't believe me? Then try this experiment. Name the best porn film you've ever seen. Now pick three other types of film you like, and name your favorite film of each type. Does that look like a list of four equally good movies to you? The point is, you're not watching "Up 'n' Coming" for the same reasons you'd watch "GoodFellas," and you're only going to be disappointed if you use the same criteria to evaluate both. Porn has its own rewards, and they're mostly non-narrative; if you're paying enough attention to a porn movie to actually *follow* the story, let alone care about it, then porn is probably hindering your sex life rather than enhancing it. MYTH #3: If it only turns one of you on, you shouldn't watch it together. It *is* true that you shouldn't make your partner sit through something that actively disgusts her/him. Beyond that, though -- hey, you're a couple! You're not always completely in sync. I'll bet you compromise on regular videos all the time; she sat through "Demolition Man" for you, you sat through "Sleepless in Seattle" for her (or, if you're a less stereotypical couple, vice versa). Why not with porn? Besides, we've found that no film ever turns us on as much as seeing the other person turned on does; when we rented gay male porn, the film didn't do much for me, but her reaction to it sure did! And that was enough. So what *does* matter? We've made a little list. In order of importance: 1) The illusion of pleasure. Nothing casts a pall over the sex *you're* having than the image of other people having sex while looking bored out of their skulls. This is actually one of the big selling points, for us, of Candida Royalle's stuff: however vanilla it is, the actors look like they're having a good time. On the other hand, this is the single biggest problem with Andrew Blake videos ("Secrets" is an exception), though they have other redeeming features. Actors who seem "into it" can even make a lot of supposedly "non-couples" stuff a turn on for us; we've watched Bruce Seven girl-girl films together with great pleasure, for example, just because of the heat on the screen. And a convincing performer in one place is generally a convincing performer, period -- so learn their names. We go out of our way to look for stuff with Nina Hartley or Tianna, and avoid stuff with the late Savannah, for just this reason. 2) Good looking people. This may be the hardest thing to find, unfortunately, and guys are often unaware of that. Straight male porn stars, with a some exceptions (Rocco Siffredi, Peter North), tend to be pretty unappealing; would *you* be turned on by the female equivalent of Joey Silvera? It's easier with the women, but you still have to deal with the boob job question (it's a good bet that she'll be no more turned on by grotesquely artificial breasts than you would be by a grotesquely artificial cock). The presence of good-looking people is for us the big selling point of Andrew Blake videos. 3) Variety. Here's a cautionary tale: recently we wanted to see a bi film and brought home the only one the store had ("Bi Madness" -- a must to avoid); we found ourselves watching the exact same scene staged four different times with four different sets of actors, right down to which positions were used when. We've never been so bored. It rarely gets that bad, but the more varied the sex is in every way, the better. For us, this means varied positions, varied settings, varied combinations of partners, etc. It also means (and we can't state this strongly enough) varied shots, ranging from long shots of the action to the typical gyno-closeups. Far more than their stories, the variety of shots is for us the selling point of "golden age" porn. 4) A high sex-to-story ratio. This is the corollary of myth #2: if the story doesn't matter, then it shouldn't get in the way of the sex. This is not to say our favorite films ar things like "1000 Cum Shots"; far from it. But a little set-up leading to a lot of sex is highly preferable to a lot of set-up leading to a little sex (a/k/a The Paul Thomas Syndrome, though "Things Change" and "Passages" 1-4 are partial exceptions). You wouldn't think that Candida Royalle's "Urban Heat" had anything in common with the "Sodomania" series, but we like them both because they set up scenarios quickly and then cut to the chase. 5) Production Values/Competent Film-making. As a general rule, we find that stuff that bears a passing stylistic resemblance to something you'd see at a multiplex is more stimulating than stuff that bears a strong stylistic resemblance to the video of your nephew's bar mitzvah. Unfortunately, the only way to get a sense of which directors, performers, and companies will deliver the goods is to actually watch the stuff. So what should you watch as a couple? Well, the usual advice on places to start is pretty good: Candida Royalle, Andrew Blake, some Golden Age stuff, some Paul Thomas. But beyond that, our advice is: try everything. And try it all at once. Once we decided we liked watching porn together, we'd generally get two or three different kinds of films at a time and sample them all; on a typical evening, we might take a look at parts of "Hidden Obsessions," "The Opening of Misty Beethoven," and "Sodomania 3," and talk about what we did and didn't like about each. Then we'd try to gauge the patterns. Was it a particular director we liked? An actor or actress? A series? Were there whole companies which should just be avoided (like Penguin)? We got a clearer sense of our tastes, we learned about each other, and we did it all naked! What more could you ask? These are, of course, just our opinions, and, as always, YMMV. But whatever your mileage is, we've found that the essence of watching porn as a couple is the essence of being a couple, period: be open, be generous, be honest, and communicate, communicate, communicate. =========================================================================== 38 What is all this I keep hearing about "The Golden Age?" The following comes from Peter van Aarle's excellent web page (mirrored at http://www.io.com/~rwilhelm/aarle/golden_age.html) regarding the "Golden Age" of porn films. Ah, the good old days, when the words "shot on video" were unheard of, and they actually had budgets to shoot an adult movie When the plot of a porno movie wasn't limited to "Gee, I don't seem to have the money to pay for the pizza! Now what do we do?" and the talent actually were sent the script in advance to learn their lines. Heck they even were known to have occasional rehearsals :-) Oh well, no use crying over things that once were. With the present glut of cheap product (over 2500 pornos were released in the US in 1994!) a good movie is difficult to make. That is to say, you can still make a good movie if you invest time and money in it, but a 4 times higher budget is unfortunately no guarantee for a 4 times higher return. In fact, the only people who can change things are we the consumers. If we make sure that cheap one-day-wonders don't make their producers much money then (and only then) is the general quality likely to improve. After all, why should Joe Producer invest a lot of time and effort in making a good product when producing crap lets him rake in the bucks anyway... So we have the choice: either scour the shelves for hours to try and find the few pearls among today's dreck or go back to those classics of yesteryear. If you want to try your luck with today's product (which isn't all bad, really), I would suggest reading some of the reviews posted to the alt.sex.movies newsgroup to help distinguish between the good and the bad. Many of these reviews are archived at several sites. (Check out http://w3.gti.net/director/revindex.html for a jumping off point) "Ok", you say "but what if I want some of those classics? How do I know what to look for?" Well fear no more, here for your browsing pleasure is a list of many of the best porno movies ever made. Many of them are from the so-called Golden Age which is generally considered to have been from about 1977 to 1982. Which isn't to say that there have not been some good movies made before or since that time, nor that there weren't some awful ones produced during the period, it's just that so many of the classics were made during that period... 39 So tell me more about this Blockbuster video chain... Well, this is from our good friend Harris Minter who has contributed quite a bit to this document on the subject of Blockbuster... 39.1 Why are some of the movies I rent at Blockbuster different from the same movie I rent at "Joe's House of Video"? Is Mommy Blockbuster editing them? Okay - you rented "The Getaway" at Joe's, and saw some pretty hot scenes of Alec Baldwin porking and muff-munching on Kim Basinger. That turned you on, so when you and your buds decided to down a few brews and watch it again, you went to Blockbuster for it. No muff-munching, he just played with her tits a little, your friends were bummed out, and they won't ever trust your judgment again. What happened? Were you imagining things? Blockbuster didn't want you to see the delectable Ms. Basinger get snacked out, and trimmed the flick? Here's what happens: Blockbuster has a long-standing policy of not stocking anything any feature that hasn't been rated by the MPAA (Motion Picture Arts Association - the industry trade group for the movie studios). Therefore, when a studio wants to put out a video, if they can't put an "R" or lower rating on the box, Blockbuster won't buy it. (For what it's worth, BB isn't the only chain with this policy.) In the case of "The Getaway", what you didn't notice was that the copy you rented at Blockbuster was in a black box with "rated "R"" underneath the title. Meanwhile, the one you got at Joe's was in a red box with, the special UNCUT, UNRATED VERSION prominently displayed on the box. I tend to regard the theatrical version of a film as canon, the movie you rent at Blockbuster is almost invariably the exact same version of the movie that you saw at the theatres, so technically the Blockbuster version is the unedited version, and the Joe's version is the (re)edited version. 39.2 Two versions? Yep, and it's quite common. Virtually anything that's even remotely steamy will have two versions, with the second version being even steamier and called something like "extended edition", "Unrated version", "European version", "Director's cut", and assorted others. I think the record is "Whore", with five different versions. My catalog shows them as: 1) Whore (rated R) 2) Whore (rated NC-17) 3) Whore (unrated) 4) (Whore) If You Can't say the Name 5) Whore (Spanish subtitled) From what I can determine, numbers 4 and 5 above are identical in content to number 1. Number 4 merely has an alternate title on the box, as there really are some people who have trouble saying the word "whore" in public. As the name implies, number 5 just has Spanish subtitles at the bottom of the screen. (little footnote here - sometimes the Spanish subtitled version has all the wording on the box, even the title, in Spanish. Thus "The Witches of Eastwick" became "Las Brujas de Eastwick". I wonder if "Whore" became "Puta"? I think I got the Spanish titles right. My Spanish sucks rocks.) 39.3 Why multiple versions? It was discovered way back that sometimes when a movie is submitted to the MPAA for a rating, that the MPAA would give the film an 'X' (or NC-17 - same thing) rating. That's unacceptable to the studios (for reasons explained elsewhere in this FAQ), so it would have to be re-edited and re-submitted. In an attempt to milk the same cow twice, the original version would be released as a director's cut, and would do well on video, plus there would be virtually no additional promotional costs. Pure gravy. Nowadays, the pre-release promotional flyers the video stores or chains receive will have an little blurb at the bottom: "Unrated version also available". 39.4 Once again, does Blockbuster pay the studios to cut out all the bad stuff? Nope. Blockbuster didn't commission anything. They didn't need to. Recently, the video trade magazine "Video Software Magazine" published a listing of the top 95 video chains. Not surprisingly, Blockbuster was number one. What was surprising was the size of their lead. Blockbuster is over FIVE times the size of the next largest chain. I didn't total it up, but it appears that Blockbuster, at nearly 3000 stores, is bigger than all the other 94 chains combined. With a market that size, you find out what their rules are, and beg for a chance to play by them. If the only version of your movie has no rating, then you've excluded a HUGE portion of your market. Since all the studios want to play by Blockbuster's rules, they'll take their box art to BB for approval, and sometimes even go so far as to pay the MPAA to rate their movie even though they have no plans to ever release it in theatres. All so they can play by BB's rules. An example of BB's clout: About a month prior to this writing, Live Home Video released the mainstream film, "Stargate". The theatrical artwork, posters, etc. featured a ring over a pyramid. This was to also appear as the box art. Blockbuster requested that the artwork be changed to also feature the faces of the two principle actors, Kurt Russell and James Spader. Live agreed to do this, but cautioned BB that their alternate artwork would not be supported by Live's publicity campaign. When word of this hit the rest of the video chains, Live received so many requests for the alternate box art, they dropped the original art, making the BB alternate art the only box art. Next time you're in any video store, look at the box, then at the poster. You'll see what I mean. Here's another example of Blockbuster's clout: There is a mainstream director named "Gregory Hippolyte". Hippolyte produces and directs such grade 'B' erotic potboilers as "Animal Instinct 1", "Animal Instinct 2", and "Undercover". From reports in a.s.m., Hippolyte is none other than porn's Greg Dark, of the infamous Dark Brothers. The Hippolyte films are released direct to video, and never see the inside of a movie theatre. Therefore there is no need for him to spend good money just to have the MPAA Ratings Board rate his movie. But if you'll check, you'll see that his films come in the two traditional flavors - "R" rated, and unrated. Why is this? It's simple - if he doesn't edit his movie down to an "R" rating, then Blockbuster won't buy it. Nearly 3000 (2700 at last report) stores, buying maybe a dozen copies each at $65 apiece - that turns into over two million dollars from BB alone.... That's a pretty good price for selling your integrity, if that's the way you want to look at it. So who cut Hippolyte's film? Not Blockbuster - Hippolyte/Dark did it himself. 39.5 Okay, okay, we've left porn to discuss mainstream films. I've seen a director's cut of "The Color of Night" at Blockbuster. Explain that one..... Actually, we're discussing Blockbuster. Look on the box, and you'll see an "R" rating. Here's what happened - When "Color of Night" was first rated by the MPAA, it received an "NC-17" rating. Studios hate it when that happens, so they lopped out a 20 minute swimming pool fuck and grope session between Bruce Willis and Jane March. The director, Richard Rush, screamed like a raped ape at his work being violated. When the video release was announced, it was advertised that the missing footage would be restored for the video release. BUT..... Not all the missing footage was restored. Ten seconds worth of Willis' dick waving around in the swimming pool was omitted, this new cut of the movie was re-rated, and it received an "R" rating. It doesn't matter what this version is called, the important part is that it IS rated "R". Why go to all this hassle? So Blockbuster would buy it. 39.6 You mean that Blockbuster doesn't get special versions of videos? I can think of exactly ONE video of which BB has an exclusive edition - a Barbra Streisand concert video. The BB version of this video has one EXTRA song. More stuff, not less. As a result, Blockbuster, the tape's distributor, and Streisand herself have all been sued by a smaller video chain, and although there was discussion of the suit being raised to class-action status, it was recently dismissed in Federal court. At the beginning of this, I pointed out that Blockbuster has a policy of not stocking unrated features. A couple or so years ago, Champagne Video, a mom 'n pop single-store operation in New York, had a Blockbuster open up across the street from them. One would think that would spell the end for Champagne Video, but Champagne is still open for business, and Blockbuster has closed up shop. The single stated reason for this was that Champagne rented adult videos and Blockbuster didn't. Bottom line - Blockbuster has clout - tremendous clout. What BB wants, BB gets - and they don't even have to ask. *** END PART 10 ***