BONDAGE TECHNIQUES FOR SHY FOLKS ------------------------------------------------------------- Introduction and General Comments Since I received a warm welcome to a.s.b as a result of my first post (thanks to everyone who responded!), I was encouraged to write another article for this group. I hope it successfully serves three purposes: 1) Shares with you some of my bondage experience; 2) Provides a little practical education for beginners, especially those who are shy and find this stuff fascinating, but don't know how to proceed safely in the physical, mental, or emotional sense--alone or with a partner; 3) Sparks some further detailed conversation about the preparations, restraints and arrangements other a.s.b'ers use for play. I want to learn, too! I am _not_ an expert, so I don't expect this article to be tremendously interesting to you serious bondage-folk, except perhaps to refresh your memory as to what it was like when you started these peculiar habits :^) As far as I'm concerned, sexual [fore, during, or after] play is not always necessary for good bondage, as several others have noted in this news group. Vice-versa too: bondage is not at all necessary for good sex--but it can certainly enhance it at times. Now that a balance is portrayed... Bondage _is_ the subject at hand, so I will attempt to expound a little. I do not have any advice as to how to make social connections. I am new to a.s.b myself, and in fact, I have never attended any seminars or parties where folks into bondage congregated in one place. So, this article simply elaborates a little on the accoutrements and techniques of my own limited experience by myself and with a few partners. With low-level bondage scenes in the past, it was common for me to be somewhat frustrated on the bottom, because I wanted to feel more helpless--but my partner did not have the mind-set to play more seriously at the time. When I was top and she was bottom, she was afraid for me to experiment--not because of a lack of trust, but because she just wasn't able to accept anything that seemed too "weird" or "kinky" as she defined it. Without freaking my partner (or myself for that matter) with sophisticated restraints or instructional documentation (heavy porn bondage mags, videos, etc.), I have, over the years, discovered a number of discreet restraints and arrangements (positions) that can provide an enjoyable and effective level of bondage. Some of these techniques I have practiced with my partner, but not all of them. Of course, it's more enjoyable if you have an available and willing partner; otherwise, you have to "top" yourself. These notes are primarily for you shy, "I wish it would happen to me" closet a.s.b readers (I know there's a lot of you :^) who desire to experiment more with bondage, and to gently introduce your willing partner to it--but perhaps you don't have the guts to march into a serious adult/leather store, order wild restraints from catalogs, or even study magazines or videos for techniques. You're also afraid of your friends or family stumbling onto a drawer, box or closet full of "weird kinky shit." I know; I've been one of those cautious people--but then again I've had an amazing variety of unsophisticated fun and excitement with bondage since I was pre-pubescent; certainly long before I knew that anyone else did it. And even as life and fun has continued thereafter, as far as I am aware, nobody except my partner has known that I have effective (and economical) bondage (and other) sex toys available in the comfort and convenience of my own home, without even needing a secret drawer or treasure box. Pssst : Actually, my partner only knew about a fraction of the possibilities! ------------------------------------------------------------- Mental/Emotional Preparation of a Bondage "Virgin" A common question in a.s.b (and a few private e-mails to me) goes something like this: I wonder how I should effectively introduce my partner to bondage? I've tried sharing some [videos, magazines, books, etc.], and sometimes s/he gets excited, but often more disgusted than anything else. What now? First of all, I suggest you don't spring wild bondage media on your partner by way of introduction. If it is unfamiliar territory, then revulsion or fright is a normal response. Almost nobody is raised in an environment where being seriously tied up and fucked is considered a positive act. If your partner has not been exposed to heavy porn before, s/he will have a mixed reaction at best, and totally recoil from it (and even you) at worst. "Creating your own story" is probably better than forcing a canned bondage story onto someone. I found that my partners have been somewhat comfortable doing scenes with me that they never read, saw, or heard of before--but if they had seen it in a heavy porn mag or video first, I'm sure they would have never done it with me subsequently--because that level of media offended them. Plain text is probably less offensive to sensitive people, so if you insist on providing reading material as an introduction, a printout of a light-duty a.s.b story (_not_ Cindy's Torment) might a be better bet than Bondage Buddies #12 magazine. Your partner's imagination might well be _better_ stimulated by hir _own_ idea of what the scene should look like... Patience, patience, patience. Don't _break_ your partner's limits --test, then _gently_ push the limits instead. If s/he isn't comfortable with your advances, then you aren't properly laying the foundation of trust and respect that is absolutely necessary for more serious bondage. Think of the next incremental step you would like to take with your partner, then, at the appropriate time, either discuss it or turn it into play, depending on how you and your partner best communicate. Be willing to back off if s/he is not into it at the moment. Try again from a different angle some other time. ------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer and Warnings I will be held harmless from any consequences of anyone using the following notes for their own activities. Don't use self-tightening knots that cut off circulation. You should frequently check for blueness, coldness, or numbness, then adjust accordingly. Be _exceedingly_ careful to leave yourself an escape route if you practice self-bondage. The fleeting thrill of getting stuck is _not_ worth the embarrassment of the wrong person finding you all tied up, or worse yet, nobody finding you at all. Know and stay within your limits. You will notice that many of the arrangements I suggest are particularly suited for a male/female pair, but that is not to discriminate--it's only my experience. Plus it's _all_ IMHO. ------------------------------------------------------------- Restraints There's an abundance of seemingly innocuous restraining devices available all around you; Off hand I can remember using the following items over the years to tie up myself or my partner, any of which can be found around the house or garage without embarrassing anyone: Cloth, leather, and plastic belts of all kinds, flat 1" nylon straps (used for camping), elastic sports bandages, pantyhose, thigh-highs, long socks, long tights, leather horse reins, plastic tubing, ribbon and lace, (surprising how strong some of it is), bungee cords, rope (a bit abrasive), nylon or leather dog leashes, chain, an exercise apparatus (the one that attaches to your doorknob and has a loop for each hand and foot), plastic wire ties (has to be cut off), duct tape and packing tape (ouch on the body hair), thick wire (nasty if you're careless), a long leather whip, velcro straps, and a corset or bra that is worn with the back hooked around something else like a pole or chair back member. I'm sure there are other handy clothing or household items appropriate for these purposes--do you have any favorites? I've also used sheets, blankets, sleeping bags, Saran wrap, self-adhesive shelf paper, and shower curtains to otherwise restrain myself by wrapping them around me (yes, it's challenging to do it effectively without help). I halfway blame this extraordinary habit on my two older female cousins who decided [when our parents periodically visited each other] that I should be rolled up tightly in a blanket then secured by them sitting on me or tying belts around me. I don't know where they got this idea (they were only a few years older than me, and I was only about 10), and I don't know what they got out of it--but it sure made an impression on me. Maybe that's why I like body hugs now. I even sleep better when the blanket is wrapped around me. A partial regression to the womb environment, maybe? I don't know. Does anyone else out there like this "wrapping" kind of bondage? My cousins also liked to tickle me, but that's a story I'll expand on another time, probably by e-mail instead of public post (if this interests you, I suggest that you get yourself added to the Tickle! e-mail list, administrated by Jeanette a.k.a. jdravk@transarc.com). ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #1: "Virgin" Woman Bottom This is good for a woman who has not been restrained during sex before. It requires no restraint devices, so it does not seem too threatening. After she is already excited, have her lie on her stomach on the bed, legs spread slightly, with her elbows by her sides, and her hands up toward her head. Lie on top of her, putting your upper arms under her armpits (your arms will then be inside hers), then firmly hold her wrists (your hands on top). Hug her tightly, :^) then enter at will. In this arrangement, a bottom who has weaker muscles than the top will have considerable difficulty squirming away from the determined top, although it is possible. This can make for a fun play-wrestle-struggle (one of my favorites) Actually, this arrangement makes a wonderfully secure body hug even with clothes on, whether or not you feel sexy at the moment (a good way to previously introduce the position, perhaps?). ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #2: "Virgin" Woman Bottom, Next Step Same as arrangement 1, except tie her ankles to the corners of the foot of the bed. Since her arms are still not tied to anything, there is potential for struggle, but it is considerably more secure than arrangement #1. ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #3: "Virgin" Man Bottom This is good for a man bottom who has not been restrained during sex before. It requires only two restraints. Simply have him lie on his back, then tie his wrists to the corners of the head of the bed, then have at it. I think a man new to bondage will find this exciting, but not threatening, because, with his legs free, he feels like he can easily protect himself from advances. Of course, this also works for a woman. ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #4: Classic Spread-Eagle I suppose everybody knows this one. Tie each wrist and ankle to the nearest bed corner. This makes a nice next-step for the man who was last in arrangement #3. It might sound secure, but actually it is still not entirely threatening. I have found that if I am tied in this position on my back, I can still prevent my top from effectively fucking me, simply by flexing the muscles in my upper legs. When my knees are free, I still have some control, despite the fact that I am the bottom. A woman in this position might also be able to resist full penetration since her knees are free, but usually the woman has less control in this position than a man, so it can be more exciting/scary for her. For a variation, flip the bottom onto his/her stomach in this arrangement. ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #5: Secure Spread-Eagle Same as #4, but also tie the knees toward the edges of the bed (the tie should be just above the knee). This is quite effective, because mobile knees were the spread-eagled bottom's last hope for a bit of control. S/he can lie on the stomach or back. ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #6: Man Bottom, Knees Together This is probably my favorite simple way to render the man helpless to the woman's advances. Tie the man's knees together (just above the knee), then tie his ankles together. Have him lie flat on his back on the bed, then tie the ankle restraint to a mid-way point below the foot of the bed. If there is no convenient mid-point anchor, then run a rope/strap/whatever from one corner bed foot up through the ankle tie, then back down to the other corner bed foot. Then tie his hands to the head board corners so there is little slack. I have found that when I am in this position, I cannot avoid a sound fucking from my partner when she straddles me (and I love it when she also lays her torso down and hugs me tightly). This is particularly exciting because we know that I will eventually come no matter how much I lie still, or how much I struggle. You can also tie the bottom (man or woman) stomach down in this arrangement. ------------------------------------------------------------- Arrangement #7: Moon-Side-Up Hand-to-Ankle Have your partner lie on hir stomach then tightly grasp hir own ankles with hir hands (left hand to left ankle, right hand to right ankle). Pantyhose or elastic sports bandages work well for this: wrap the restraint around and around the left hand/ankle in an X pattern (you'll see when you do it), then do the same for the right. Stretch the restraint enough so that s/he cannot let go of their ankles, but not so much that the circulation is impeded (be willing to stop and adjust this later if s/he asks). Once you lay on top of your partner in this position, s/he will be mostly helpless depending on your weight and muscle ratio. BTW, when using stretchy restraints, the bottom will be more comfortable and secure if you use more and/or longer restraints but don't stretch them as tightly. This distributes the pressure more evenly. For example, in this arrangement #7, two or three pairs of nylons per bond works _far_ better than one pair that is too tight. (this also helps prevent "love marks," those red blotches from tiny broken blood vessels just under the skin). ------------------------------------------------------------- Obviously, there are other approaches to bondage--and there are countless other devices, arrangements, and places to do it besides a bed. The ideas in this article are just a sampling from a novice, for other novices. Be safe and have fun! Yours until next time, Dances-With-Aardvarks dances-with-aardvarks@cup.portal.com