F 13
***
Compiled, edited & written by Ian Douglas
Issue #11: July 1996
iandoug@lia.co.za
http://www.lia.co.za/users/iandoug/
$ Introduction:
A SERIOUS APOLOGY to all my subscribers who were bombarded with junkmail
from MajorDomo - having problems with it.
A big welcome to all the new subscribers.
A rather disappointing month. Moving flats was a lousy experience. Lydia
pitched up to help, but she was in a bad mood. We also had different
understandings about what "helping to move" meant. Ended up having a bit of
a fight, she left, Ian moved house alone (mostly). Got a pal to help with
the heavy stuff (thanks Leon). Lydia's boyfriend has been giving me funny
looks lately, so I am keeping a low profile...
Nadia has finished her course and disappeared somewhere into the depths of
our vast head office. Don't see her around much at all these days. Pity.
Missed The Empress so much that I now allow myself the luxury of maybe
glimpsing her once a week. Just wish she would invite me back into her
life...
Other than that, nothing happened. Not even anyone new and interesting
... :-(((
Late new flash: (Sunday 30th) Seems like Ian got half-smiles from both
Nadia and The Empress... [the plot thickens...]
This issue probably lacks some ranting and raving, due to lack of time
(sorting out the chaos in my new flat, and creating the Movies for Africa
website). Have added extra humour to compensate.
Problem confounded by damn Windoze software losing a lot of what I had done
:-(((
Lots of thanks to the following people for their kind messages (hope I
didn't miss anyone): Steve (Audioguy), Brian Barnes, Wolfgang E. Grulke, Alex.
From: Steve
>
>The month got off to a lousy start with Nadia biting my head off on 1 May.
>2-bedroomed flat - really going up in the world :-)
>
>
>
Just got your message, haven't read it all yet, but just had to let
you know that your HTML gag made me LOL.
From: Brian Barnes
I am a recent (and close, around the corner) subscriber to your
newsletter (if that's what it is), and just thought to tell you that
my wife and I find it most interesting and enjoyable.
If you have subscribers from the thousands of countries you listed
in the June edition, and they all contact you at one or other time
like I am, then you probably don't sleep.
From: Wolfgang E. Grulke [$ after a visit to my home page]
Great stuff - I really enjoyed it.
Will be back as soon as the dreadful devil time allows!
From: Alex
Still reading F13. And looking forward to it monthly.
I also had more charmimg mail from the underground:
Hello Idiot
Just carrying on the mail we had earlier. What did you say to that
lamer whose account i hijacked. He really is a nut.
Oh well, America is so much fun but I have left enough trojans to
irritate you and your friends.
BTW, my real handle is DethWinD. I just used another guys handle on
Virus Polytechnics who i think is a total nut.
Drop Dead Sucker
DethWind
Now in the USA
CONTENTS:
~~~~~~~~~
1. Quotations
2. How To Play Games
3. Computer Security
4. Interesting Stuff
5. The Farsian Chronicles
6. Motivational / Inspirational
7. Science / Technology
8. Advertising / The Media
9. Health
10. Humour
11. NetNews
12. Recipes
13. Things to Think About
===========================================================================
1. Quotations
"Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't
think."
"The rights of one are as sacred as the rights of a million."
Eugene V. Debs, US labor leader.
"Wars throughout history have been waged for conquest and
plunder...the master class has always declared the wars; the
subject class has always fought the battles."
Eugene V. Debs, US labour leader.
"When great changes occur in history, when great principles are
involved, as a rule the majority are wrong. The minority are
right."
Eugene V. Debs, address to jury, September, 1918
"If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee
an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. there is
no other."
Carl Schurz
"One trend that bothers me is the glorification of stupidity, that
the media is reassuring people it's alright not to know anything.
That to me is far more dangerous than a little pornography on the
Internet."
Carl Sagan
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not
die for you."
from "The Little Prince," by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Forget about faith!" Chiang said it time and again. "You didn't
need faith to fly, you needed to understand flying. This is just
the same. Now try again..."
from Richard Bach's "Illusions"
'Religion and law among our masses must be one and the same,' his
father said. 'An act of disobedience must be a sin and require
religious penalties. This will have the dual benefit of bringing
both greater obedience and greater bravery. We must depend not so
much on the bravery of individuals, you see, as upon the bravery of
a whole population.'
from "Dune," by Frank Herbert
[$ This philosophy is the essence of evil, and when applied in human
history, led to the greatest oppression of mankind.]
"To trade by means of money is the code of the men of good will.
Money rests on the axiom that every man is the owner of his mind and
his effort. Money allows no power to prescribe the value of your
effort except the voluntary choice of the man who is willing to
trade you his effort in return."
Francisco d'Anconia in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged"
===========================================================================
$ 2. How To Play Games
Rule 18: Don't go through, go around
Many players think that the only way past an obstacle is to blast it out
of existence, or otherwise tackle it head on. That is not true,
particularly in situations where you are alone against multiple enemies.
In such conditions, it is often easier (and wiser) to avoid the
confrontation and simply bypass the obstacle. Choose another route.
Finesse the opposition without fighting. "The acme of skill is to conquer
without fighting" - Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Rule 19: The most interesting and enjoyable games aren't always those with
the prettiest graphics
An observation applicable to many things, from video games to Web sites
to women. In fact, the rule with video games is that pretty graphics
attract attention, but GAMEPLAY is what makes a succesful game. Some of
the best and most addictive games I have ever played had simple graphics,
while some graphically stunning games are dead dogs.
Similarly with web sites - designers try and have the flashiest sites
possible, when what people actually want is CONTENT.
Lastly, when it comes to women... Well, it's nice when she is nice to look
at, but if there is nothing going on inside her head, I don't see any
chance for a long term relationship...
============================================================================
$ 3. Computer Security
Microsoft has licenced some anti-virus technology from McAfee, for
incorporation into a future Microsoft Internet product. McAfee also said
that their WebShield, for internet gateways and firewalls, should ship in
3Q96.
Thanks to Simon Taplin for the next two items:
A hotel bookings clerk, who taught himself computing skills so he could
hack Marriott Hotels' reservations system, was found guilty of causing
stlg250,000 of damage to the company's customer database at Southwark
Magistrates Court last week.
Aleric Linden, a 25-year-old from Woodford Green, Essex, familiarised
himself with Marriott International's automated billing system. He then
resigned from his job with the hotel company, broke into the group's
offices and doctored the system's database allowing him to raise bogus
commission cheques. Linden then diverted the false cheques to three
fictitious travel agencies he had set up expressly for the purpose.
A recent issue of the London Sunday Times reports that banks in Great
Britain have been paying hush money to computer crackers who penetrated
their systems, in exchange for their silence about their conquests.
Payments have totaled 400 million pounds ($619 million US) so far, and
victims include the Bank of London. The crackers reportedly sent encrypted
messages such as, "Now do you believe we can destroy your computers?" and
used "logic bombs," which can be remotely detonated and other sophisticated
information warfare techniques.
[$ Ian is very sceptical of this report...]
Mitch Dove of Gas Software, reports the following
virus infections:
Johannesburg Reverse.948.A, Unashamed, Die-Hard.4000, Michealangelo.A
Matura.1642, Russian_Flag
Bloemfontein Bunny.B, Drag
Cape Town Die-Hard.4000
Pretoria Die-Hard.4000, Bravo, Angelina, Natas
Mozambique Word Macro.Concept, Russian_Flag
Mitch writes further:
Although there are still a number of reports re the WordMacro.Concept
viruses, this spate of infections seems to under control.
With more companies opening up trade links and the fact that more and
more people are becoming Internet aware, the introduction of
International type viruses are on the increase. This brings home the
importance in beefing up your Anti-virus software. The use of VxD
Pro-Active Protection under Windows Platforms is definately the way
to go, these "TSR" type memory scanners will protect your system from
all incomming information, this includes E-Mail and Internet.
Check out the Win95 2.23 version [$ of F-Prot], it is the only VxD memory
scanner at the moment that will disinfect viruses on the fly, ie from
memory base.
http://www.gas.co.za/gassoft
Robert Sandilands of the CSIR reports the following:
Bravo
Winword.Concept.
Burglar (The Death of Grandma)
BootExe.451
Whale
Sarampo
Kaczor.4444
Unashamed Naked
Sampo
Stoned.Angelina
NoInt
ExeBug
Tequila
Bunny
Natas
Taipan.438
Junkie
A big thank-you to Mitch and Robert for their monthly inputs :-)
============================================================================
4. Interesting Stuff
China's tallest man (2,32m) is having problems getting shoes to fit his
36cm feet. He has appealed to China's cobblers to _please_ make him some
shoes.
The US recently launced some new "counterfeit proof" 100$ bills. Within
weeks, high-quality forgeries hit the streets, apparently originating in
Lebanon. The so-called Supernote is such a good fake that it passed tests
in 12 Federal Reserve Banks.
My alma mater, University of Cape Town, still leads the pack in SA when it
comes to having the best academics. We have the most academics in the
categories of A) World leader in his/her field, B) Internationally
recognised, and C) producing work of international standard.
Witwatersrand University came second, followed by Natal, Rand Afrikaans
(distantly), and UNISA; with the rest bringing up the rear.
SUBJ: The Top Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one
and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will
cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work
another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first
place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and
get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen
a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision,
simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a
good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
A Chinese teenager who smoked 100 cigarettes at one sitting for a bet won
the wager but lost his life. The 19 year-old construction worker in
Tianjin, called Wu, had just finished his 5th pack of Peony brand
cigarettes when he went pale and collapsed. "The attending doctor
determined that Mr. Wu died of a heart attack brought on by excessive
inhalation of cigarette smoke and acute nicotine poisoning," said the Jin
Wan Bao newspaper. Wu and a friend devised the wager to cure their boredom,
investigators were told.
USA circulation figures:
The National Enquirer - 2,201,879
The Star - 2,103,063
Time - 176,682 [$ ?? typo?]
Penthouse - 741,323
Playboy - 660,271
TV Guide - 4,791,314
Soap Opera Digest - 727,002
The Nation - 3,925
============================================================================
5. The Farsian Chronicles
Between January and April this year, SA deported 4468 Zimbabweans back to
Zimbabwe for criminal offences. There are 90 280 Zimbabweans in SA whose
temporary residence permits have expired. Illegal immigrants are often
blamed for our high crime rate.
More than 120 SA police officers were arrested between January and May this
year on charges of theft, fraud, and corruption.
Having survived Christian National Education, including a somewhat biased
and lilywhite account of SA history, it came as something of a revelation
to discover that one of our esteemed early Cape Governers (back in 16xx),
Simon van der Stel, was a mulato - his mother was of Dutch/Indian descent.
Our Police Chief announced this amazing plan to deal with the high crime
rate in SA - they would arrest the 10 000 most wanted criminals in SA
within 30 days. It took only a few seconds for yours truly, and other
observers, to realise a MAJOR flaw in this scheme, assuming they succeed.
Our prisons were designed to hold around 60 000 - 70 000 people, and
currently have around 113 000 people crammed into them. We regularly
release thousands of prisoners on parole to ease the pressure. Now suddenly
we have to find space for another 10 000, as well as somehow find court
time to prosecute them.
But wait - it gets worse: according to press reports of the plan, around
237 000 other known criminals would ALSO be hunted down in the long term.
Now where exactly are we going to put THEM?
But wait - it gets even worser :-) : The SABC has launched this
campaign to threaten us to pay our TV licences, threatening legal action
against us if we don't pay. The people involved total almost 1 million.
Wonder where they are going to lock THEM up, or even find the time to take
them to court...
A tamil rebel group, Ellalan Force, claimed that all tea exported from Sri
Lanka between 19 April and 10 May this year was poisoned.
South Africa is now not only famous for The Big Five (lion, hippo, rhino,
leopard and elephant), but also for The Big Six - murder, rape, robbery,
assault, burglary and vehicle theft.
Make that The Big Seven - not paying TV licences...
Wars continue to rage around the planet. During 1995, there were wars of
various intensities in: Bosnia-Herzegovina, Croatia, Russia, Iran, Iraq,
Israel, Turkey, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Cambodia, India, Indonesia, Burma,
The Philippines, Sri Lanka, Tajikistan, Algeria, Angola, Liberia, South
Africa, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Sudan, Columbia, Guatemala, and Peru.
At least six women in Bangladesh, who did not vote as their husbands
instructed them to, have been divorced by their husbands. Wonder what
happened to the concept of a secret ballot? ...
Following stuff compiled from UseNet postings:
You know you are in South Africa when:
- the main headline of the evening TV news is the opinion of an unemployed
squatter who spik inglish no good and calls on the head of Anglo-American
to resign or face the consequences,
- you realise after watching the news on TV that nothing happened in the
rest of the world,
- to alleviate congestion in post office queues, they bring in the
innovative idea of selling scratch cards,
- you are expected to carry a drivers licence that doesn't fit into your
wallet,
- the fact that there is an election and people are standing in line
waiting to vote is more important than the result of the election,
- the police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle of
the night but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest police
station,
- people would rather be killed in their beds than live in some country
where they would have to get out and make it themselves,
- the most popular vehicle is a 4x4 designed for driving in snow, (the
reason for this may be the vast amount of mid-summer snow that you see in
all Christmas decorations),
- you no longer request anything, you "DIMAND" it,
- you know what "vowlence" is,
- people tell you that they wouldn't live anywhere else because the
weather is so sh*t over there.
- A Mini bus taxi passes you, just to stop right in front of you
- When the road narrows, the guy to the rear of you has right of way.
- You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
- You buy something that was damaged in the shop, and they won't refund you.
- Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
- You have to prove you don't need a loan to get one.
- A shop clerk makes you feel as if he/she is doing you a favour by letting
you buy from their shop.
- Your insurance is higher than the repayments on your car.
- You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once in the month.
- When Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate
is too high.
- When the political parties spend time and money worrying about crimes of
the past and ignore the crimes of the present.
- When purse snatching becomes a national sport
- When people start joking about the crime rate
- The police asks you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just
reported.
- The rand goes for a dive, and everything go up, even old stock.
- When you paint your cars registrations number on the roof in large letters.
- When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are seperated by a Xhosa anouncement
of the following Afrikaans program, and a Pedi ad.
- The government has more opposition from themselves, than from any
opposition party.
- A minister is fired, and returns the government cell phone, but keeps
the G-number-plated Bee-Em
- The currency takes a dive, and the previous government gets the blame.
- Students from Vaal Driehoek Technikon demands that their
debt is written off.....at Pretoria Technikon
- A 45 year old engineer get replaced by a 25 year old who cannot write
his own name.
- If the employees DANCE in front of the building to show how unhappy
they are.
- Half the city pays for the other halve's electricity and water supply.
- When a murderer gets a 2 year sentence. and a pirate viewer a 6 month
sentence.
- The prisoners strike!
- Crime actually DOES pay.
- People are allowed to reclaim land (For free) that's been bought
from their forefathers.
- The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished
viewing.
- The government GIVES you a house, and you complain.
- You can't even go on a business trip to Oz without somebody asking
knowingly: 'Oh, having a look around, are you?....'
- the most popular vehicle is a 4x4 designed for driving in snow or
off-road that people buy for the express purpose of driving to Sandton
City/Constantia Village/GreenAcres/The Waterfront to do their grocery
shopping
- retail stores go out of their way to be open at the times that are
most inconvenient to the majority of people (8:30 AM to 5:00 PM), and
closed at the times when most people are able to go shopping (ie.after
5:00 PM)
- the few innovative stores that stay open late have to close down
through lack of business because the sheep, I mean people, can't get
it through their skulls that you CAN go shopping at 10 PM
- you attempt to get onto a freeway via an on-ramp and the guy
approaching on the freeway deliberately speeds up to prevent you
merging smoothly with the traffic
- locally purchased BMWs and Mercs have a sign on the dash saying 'Use
indicators only in case of extreme emergency'
- there is more space between the sole of your foot and the
accelerator pedal than between your rear bumper and the car behind you
- people would rather drive a flashy car with HUGE repayments and
MASSIVE insurance than live in a decent house
- A Toyota Hilux bakkie cost as much as a Landrover.
- A pick-up truck is described as a "bakkie" even in English.
- The post office stores letters instead of delivering letters.
- Sam Shilowa calls for a stayaway on his birthday
- When a South African coming from America/UK have a more pronounced accent
than an actual American/Englishman.
- In every mall there is 10 curio shops all selling the same stuff.
- When SOME people start thinking university is free to everyone.
- When employer has to pay the employee wages during strike and cannot lock
them out
- When cops are always able to spot you for parking without display while
never able to see the taxis [buses] parking in the middle of the road
- When teacher don't get paid
- If you want to get bursury for university, you better to be a black
[excuse me for disclosing this]
- If you blink, you miss the weather forecast on TV.
- SABC 3 is SABC 2 after 18:30, only in KwaZulu-Natal, except on the
weekend.
- Petrol takes the biggest price jump in history, the banks increase
their interest rates by two percent, and the Rand's value dives by 25%,
but we are told that; "we have just had the lowest inflation rate
increase in 24 years".
- When you go to prison for murder, instead of the death sentence,
you get a nice box of condoms.
- When the 'News in English' pays little more than lip-service to the
niceties of English grammar;
- When the guy in the suit and tie eating samp-and-beans with silver cutlery
is a politician;
- When pre-election promises change into 'Rome wasn't built in a day'
post-election rhetoric;
- When the Minister of Housing didn't build a single house;
- When the Minister of Finance doesn't wear a tie;
- When the Minister-without-Portfolio makes more noise than all the
portfolios put together, and then, when he's given a portfolio, you never
hear from him again;
- When the President receives Holy Commmunion in a Catholic Church and then
passes the Constitution which allows for abortion-on-demand.
- You can't make a phone call because the cables have been stolen,,,
- could the government ram affirmative action down our throats while
wondering how the graduates & professionals could be so unpatriotic as to
want to emigrate..
- could the SABC summons you for non-payment of TV licence fees - when you
don't have a television.
- can you find people go on strike after a salary bonus has been given
to them.
- You have a Good(will) King, 6 Queens, 8 palaces, 10 Princes, 12
Princesses, R14 million per annum, a Lear jet, but just one spokesperson.
- when the vote counters in the rural areas are as illiterate as the voters.
===========================================================================
6. Motivational / Inspirational
Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.
-American Indian Proverb
Chance never helps those who do not help themselves.
- Sophocles
Two step formula for handling stress:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff.
2. Remember that it's all small stuff.
-Anthony Robbins
When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.
Charles Evans Hughes (1862-1948),
US Supreme Court Chief Justice, Opinion, June 17, 1925
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
One must never lose time in vainly regretting the past or in complaining
against the changes which cause us discomfort, for change is the essence of
life.
- Anatole France
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valliantly; who errs and
comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great
devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he
fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never
be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that
you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to
believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and
follow it to an end requires ... courage.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton, US General
Muhammad Ali once shared a story about growing up. In this story, The
Champ illustrates the principal of turning a negative into an empowering
positive event.
As a kid growing up in Louisville Kentucky, Muhammad Ali's parents gave him
a sparkling new bicycle. Growing up in a poor family, Ali never received
many new things, so you can imagine his excitement as he took it to the gym
to show his friends.
After gathering his friends together, you can imagine Ali's heartbreak when
he went outside only to find his new bike was stolen. He reported the
theft to a policeman and promised that if Ali ever found out who took the
bike, he would beat him up. The policeman asked him if he knew how to
box, which he didn't, so the officer taught him.
That was the start of Ali's boxing career.
To this day, Ali never found out who stole his bicycle. But every time I
get into the ring, Ali said, I look across at the other fighter and tell
myself: "That's the guy who stole my bicycle".
===========================================================================
7. Science / Technology
France is to buy South Africa's advanced mobile land-mine detection
equipment. This is the first time we sell arms to a first-world country in
decades. South Africa is a leader in mine detection and removal.
Texas Instruments is building a miniature computer chip that will have the
power of 20 of today's personal computers. They plan to put 125 million
transistors onto a chip. The cost benefits of doing this will apparently
put the price of advancd technology like wrist computers within reach of us
peasants.
The various parties involved in the DVD debate (DVD will supercede CDs and
CD-ROMs and probably video too) have sorted out the various copyright
issues involved. Now they can work on developing the standards necessary
for digital-to-digital, digital-to-analog, and analog-to-digital copying.
Acer in Taiwan has launched a 500$ PC that uses a TV as the display. It
uses a 486 compatible chip, has an Iomega 100MB removable Zip drive, 1.44MB
stiffy, and 4MB RAM. Software includes DOS, Win3.1, a web browser, and
games and educational software.
Acer has also introduced a 10X speed CD-ROM, for 200$. They also have a new
keyboard - Future - with a detachable numeric keyoad and a touchpad
keyboard (whatever THAT is). Price is 100$ with touchpad and 77$ without.
Sony Corporation has finally released their own PC. Judging from a photo,
it seems to have a Triniton screen (like the Macs), which should put it in
a class of its own...
>From UseNet:
> I read that "THINK" used to be the IBM motto. Did anyone ever see this
> while working/visiting IBM? Is it still the motto, or have they
> replaced it with a new one?
I believe the new one is "THINK MAC".
===========================================================================
$ 8. Advertising / The Media
This month's prize for the best movie poster is awarded to A Little
Princess, mainly because of the photography of the girl's face.
This month's prize for "most irritating" ads is swooped by the SABC, for
their "pay your TV licence" campaign. This includes both their TV and
radio spots. An unauthorised version of the radio ad goes as follows:
Jaywalking is a crime
Littering is a crime
Urinating in public is a crime
Slander is a crime
Not paying your TV licence is a crime
They, of course, try and put not paying your TV licence on the same level
of evil as murder, rape, robbery, etc. In actual fact, the whole concept of
a TV licence is a crime. People are forced to pay the licence even if they
never watch SABC, but instead opt for subscriber services like M-Net or
satellite TV. I wish M-Net would in fact take the SABC to court over the
issue - it must be unconstitutional somehow...
The SABC is in trouble because nearly 1 million people do not pay licence
fees, and they are losing advertiser support because they tailor the
programming towards those same 1 million people, who don't have money
anyway. They don't even pay for municipal services, or rent, or electricity,
so how can the SABC expect them to pay TV licences?
The simple solution of course to for the SABC to encrypt their
transmissions, and require viewers to purchase a decoder, or hopefully use
their existing M-Net decoder on a different channel. But that solution will
be vetoed by the ANC, as they rely on the SABC to deliver ANC propaganda
and the ANC version of reality.
In SA, the Child Protection Unit (which has a budget less than that of the
Police Band), handled more than 28 000 cases of child abuse during 1995.
Only a small percentage of all such crimes are reported to the police.
A teenager from Togo finally managed to get asylum in US, on the grounds
that returning to her home in Togo will result in her being circumcised.
Ritual circumcision is practiced among 50% of the population there. It is
estimated that 2 million girls are circumcised a year in Africa, with
around 85 million females having been given the treatment. The victim
is usually aged between 5 and 13, and mutilated without anaesthesia. It
takes five people to immobilise a seven year old for the procedure.
The practice also occurs in some Moslem countries.
Male circumcision is even more widespread...
===========================================================================
10. Humour
It turns out that the proper spelling of the Republican Party's ...
nominee, Dole, is exactly the same as that of the word "penis" in
Persian.
When an elderly New York lawyer, after a typically long life of sin,
was told he had only days to live, he rushed home and began to
frantically leaf through the Bible, looking for loopholes.
SUBJ: Top 10 Signs You're Addicted to the 'Net
10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check
your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape
Navigator 1.1 or higher."
8. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
7. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
6. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your
child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for
the free Internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
3. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
2. The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
1. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start
to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access
number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. You succeed.
A man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an
island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no
supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas
and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but
decided to make the best of it.
For the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and
mostly looked to the sea for a ship to come to his rescue. One day,
as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a
ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be
true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came
a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen -- or
at least in last 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blonde
hair flowed in the sea breeze.
He watched as she rowed her boat toward him.
As she arrived at the beach, he asked, "Where did you come from, how
did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island.. I landed on
this island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How
many of you are there?"
"It is only me," she said. "Would you like to row over to my
place?"
They both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the
approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully
woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm
tree, and there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and
white. "It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Have a
seat. Would you like a drink?"
"No," said the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied, "I have a still.
How about a Pina Colada?
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they
sat down on her couch to talk.
"You look great," said the woman, "I think I will go up and slip
into something more comfortable."
After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leaves
strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
"Tell me," she purred, "we have both been out here for a very long
time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been
lonely? Is there anything that you really miss?" She moved closer
to him. "Something that all men and woman need? Something that it
would be really nice to have right now?"
"Yes there is, now that you mention it," the man replied, moving
closer to her. "Tell me, do you happen to have an Internet
connection?"
Thanks to Alex for the next item, which has been around in various forms
for years:
A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF A DIGITATED, MAMMALIAN BIPED
---------------------------------------------------
ELEMENT : Female Human
CHEMICAL SYMBOL : WO
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC WEIGHT : Accepted as 118 but known to vary from 100 to 160 lbs
(mutations have been known to exceed 400 lbs.)
OCCURRENCE : Surplus quantities in all urban areas
APPROVED FORMULA : 36:24:36
USES : i) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
ii) Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
ii) Can be a great aid to relaxation or a
continuous source of frustration
PHYSICAL PROP. : i) Surfaces usually covered in painted film
ii) Boils at nothing and freezes in an instant
ii) Melts if given the proper treatment
iv) Bitter if used incorrectly
v) Found in various states ranging from common ore
to virgin metal
vi) Non-magnetic but attracted by bank notes
ii) Yields to pressure applied at correct point
viii) In its natural state it varies considerably,
but the shape is often artificially changed to
conform to that of a perfect specimen. Such
transformations are only discovered by an
experienced eye
ix) In some instances may start to gain weight and
look like they have swallowed a basketball and
then proceed to take qualities of a XEROX copier
and start to make copies
CHEMICAL PROP. : i) Possesses a great affinity for gold, silver,
platinum and precious stones
ii) Able to asorb great quantities of expensive
substances
iii) May explore spontaneously if left alone with a male
iv) Insoluble in liquids but activity is increased by
saturation in alcohol
v) Properties are vastly improved if specimen is
placed in the dark
TESTS : i) Pure specimens turn a rosy tint if discovered in
the natural state
ii) Turns green if placed beside a better looking
specimen
CAUTIONS : i) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands, must
be used with great care and patience if
experiments are to succeed
ii) It is illegal to possess more than one permanent
specimen but a certain amount of exchange is
permissable
iii) When detaching a permanent specimen get
appropriate counsel because the SPECIMEN COULD
DRAIN THE BLOOD FROM YOUR VEINS INDEFINATELY
>From UseNet:
>NUCLEAR BOMBS ARE NECESSARY FOR WORLD PEACE
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lots of stuff about how througout history, the French have been peaceful
victims of the Anglo-Saxon brutes...]
Mon cher Claude,
Has votre forgot about les petite Emperor Napolion? Mon due!
Les froggies avec trampled over all europe! Quelle not the actions
of a peace-amoreing nation! And les navy Francais WAS trez powerful!
But les sailors avec France could not sail their way out of a wet
paper sac, and so Admiral Nelson frappe'd votre butts! Quelle names
"Battle of Nile" and "Trafalgar" mean peu to you?
Then grande marchale Wellington had avec you French in Spain, and then
again at Waterloo.
During these annes, les pediferous french sets up beucoup colonies in
Pacific. "Why are you doing that?" lisps Josephine. "I'm trying to
take over the world" replies Bonoparte. Peu wonder les British then
go down there and kick le Froggie Colonists out!
Now le petite France has le bomb (exploding device?). Le rest of the
world thinks "Perhaps they want to try to take over world again!".
Hence le crys of protest.
Sacre bleu! Do they not teach history in French schools????
Votre amigo
Andrew
32 bits dynner
16 bits playte
8 bits byte
4 bits nybble
2 bits tayste
Subject: Re: Sunrise/sunset calculations?
The sunrise/sunset times also depend on the latitude of the viewer. As
you know, the sun may stay airborne for weeks during the summer in the
Arctic. This is of course due to the low air pressure up there.
One of the most common misconceptions about sunrise/sunset times is that
the earth is rotating at night at the same rate as it does during the
day. Indeed, the earth rotates *faster* by day than by it does by night,
when the sun accelerates inversely proportional to the earth's
decceleration. This effect is analagous to a man riding a bicyle while
swinging a ball on a string about his head. From the man's perspective,
the bicycle moves at a constant speed, but from the perspective of the
ball, the speed of the bicycle is irregular. Because of this phenomenon,
a true calculation of sunrise is impossible, though an approximation can
be achieved by measuring the angular distance between the sun and the
horizon at noon, multiplying it by the local latitude, taking the square
root, then adding the number of days that have passed since the last
equinox. Divide this number by 60, and this is the number of minutes
after noon the sunset will occur. Reverse the process to find the sunrise
time.
===========================================================================
11. NetNews
Local ISP's in SA have taken Telkom to court over alleged anti-competitive
practices. Telkom is now also becoming an ISP, with a built in advantage -
they own all the lines out of the country.
Microsoft's Internet Explorer v3.0 (32 bit versions) now support Java.
Lotus will begin beta-testing Notes v4.5 in July. Apart from web access, it
also provides messaging for mobile users and groupware applications
(including calendering), as well as supoorting Java applets, Netscape
plug-ins, and a new security tool for dealing with malicious programs
received via the internet.
Meanwhile IBM and Netscape have signed an alliance to market software
solutions for the internet and intranet markets. The idea is to combine
IBM's powerful hardware with Netscape's powerful net servers and software.
Netscape's home page gets about 80 million hits a day. It has had more than
10 thousand million hits since it started two years ago.
British Telecom and the American MCI Communications are to combine their
internet networks and so become the largest internet provider in the world.
This will expand the global capacity for internet users by 30%.
The New York State attorney general's office has begun formal
investigations into America Online's (AOL) billing practices. They have
allegedly been cheating customers by overcharging them for connect time.
The Clinton administration's attempt to muzzle free speech on the internet
came a cropper when a federal court ruled the law unconstitutional. However
supporters of the law have not given up yet, and the government will appeal
the verdict.
NetSpeak plans to ship new software in July that will allow phone calls via
the internet to conventional telephones, i.e. to a telephone NOT connected
to the internet. The product will be aimed at business users, and provides
full duplex realtime encrypted communications.
Adobe have released version 3 of their Acrobat reader as a beta test. It
integrates more closely with web browsers.
"Internet Addiction Disorder" is now part of the medical lexicon. Symptoms
include loss of control, cravings and withdrawal symptoms, social
isolation, marital discord, and job loss. Just like alcoholism... There is
at least one treatment facility for webaholics - the On-Line Addiction
Center in Pennsylvania.
$ Resources:
http://www.lia.co.za/users/iandoug/movies/index.htm Movies for Africa
http://www.atlantagames.com Olympics
http://os2.iafrica.com/impact/index.htm Impact Information (ad industry)
http://www.nc.ihost.com all about Network computers (NC's)
http://www.boer.co.za/boer/cyber/volkstaa.html CyberVolkstaat
http://www.cob.ohio-state.edu/dept/fin/osudata.htm links to financial data
http://www.gourmetworld.com/ Gourmet World - fine dining
http://www.rose.org/ Rose gardens :-)
http://www.internic.net/tools/ choose the appropriate search engine
http://www.adobe.com/acrobat/3beta/main.html Acrobat reader beta
http://bohr.physica.perdue.edu/~jswhite/dance_links.html Dancing stuff
http://www.wri.org/wri/wr-96-97/index.html World Resource Institute
http://www.clearlight.com/~vivi/xw/gallery.html Java crossword puzzles
http://www.ceweekly.wa.com/helpful/grw.html tips on resumes
http://jobsmart.org/tools/resume more tips on resumes
http://www.ru.ac.za/iCue/Cafe.htm Grahamstown Festival of the Arts
http://pathfinder.com/thrive/ Thrive - healthy living
http://pathfinder.com/cl/ Cooking Light - healthy eating
===========================================================================
12. Recipes
Nut and Vegetable Loaf Serves 4
15g polyunsaturated margarine
1 small onion, peeled and chopped
1 small carrot, scraped and chopped
1 celery stalk, trimmed and chopped
2 teaspoons tomato pure‚
225g tomatoes, skinned and chopped
2 eggs
1 teaspoon dried thyme
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
100g nuts, chopped or minced
Garnish: onion rings, chopped parsley
Grease a 450g loaf tin and preheat oven to 220C.
Melt margarine (presumably in frying pan), and gently fry onion, carrot and
celery until soft, then add tomato pure‚ and tomatoes and cook for 5
minutes.
Put eggs in a bowl with the thyme. Add salt and pepper and beat well. Stir
in the nuts and then the vegetable mixture, and transfer to loaf tin. Bake
in th eoven for 25 - 30 minutes. Turn out and garnish with onion rings and
parsley.
===========================================================================
13. Things to Think About
If God is all-powerful, why did he need 6 days to make everything?
===========================================================================
Sections marked with a '$' are original and CopyLeft 1996 by Ian Douglas.
See Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" for explanation of the '$'.
The rest is part direct lift from various Net sources, and part paraphrased
or directly lifted from various print media.
Permission to reproduce is granted as long as source is credited.
Back issues available on my web site. To subscribe, send me email.
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F13 is also available as a read-only mailing list on the Internet, with
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--------------------------------------------------------------------
iandoug@lia.co.za P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
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http://www.lia.co.za/users/iandoug Proudly iN*T*j.