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SOCIALISM:
You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: 
You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: 
You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: 
You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: 
You have two cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other, 
then throws away the milk.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: 
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, 
and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: 
You see two giraffes. The state requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has 
dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: 
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed 
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the 
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer 
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to 
a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who 
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The 
annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one 
more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving 
you with nine cows. There is no balance sheet provided with the release,
and the public buys your bull!

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: 
You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the 
roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of 
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the amount milk. Everyone who
drinks it commits suicide so you create a clever cow cartoon image 
called 'cowkimon' and market that worldwide instead.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, 
eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. So you decide to 
go for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You 
count them again and learn you have 20 cows. You count them again and 
learn you have 200 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: 
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. 
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment and high bovine productivity, and then arrest the 
newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your 
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a 
democracy.

A WELSH CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION: 
You have two cows in a pen covered in lush grass, several acres big and 
surrounded by razor wire. The people skilled enough to milk them have 
emigrated and you blame the situation on the previous apartheid regime. 
The next day, one cow is stolen, and the other is slaughtered on site. 


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[Contributed by Peter Woods]

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