A report on the McCartney breakup



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News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his 
wife Heather Mills-McCartney. 

Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has 
been my crutch for so long!" She said in an earlier briefing, "I have 
no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped".

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she'll
need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on
a relationship like this".

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever 
consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it 
if we called her "Heather".

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if
an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg 
to stand on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may 
have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to
get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the 
cause. Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get 
home at night and find her legless".

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present 
that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic 
leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

Let's spare a thought for Paul please. Now that she's left him, he's 
going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her shoe.


Finally, a poem by Sir Paul McCartney: I lay upon a grassy bank My hands were all a-quiver I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Contributed by Peter Woods] Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.