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The dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home, Mom! My favourite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home, Dad! My favourite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!
The cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself
to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my
powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems
more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the
other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in
a metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it's only a matter of time.
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[Contributed by Martie Woods]
Cat: The other white meat...
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