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* You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

* If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, 
  and he had a gun with two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

* If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your 
  life.

* Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer 
  killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man!

* Every time you masturbate, Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because 
  you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

* Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of 
  him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

* Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
  half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

* Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. 
  Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

* 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. 
  Sounds like a fair fight...

* Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just four days. Wait, that's a fact.

* Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was
  shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

* Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

* Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.

* Jack Bauer's favourite colour is severe terror alert red. His second
  favourite colour is violet, but only because it sounds like "violent".

* If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make 
  a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

* Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

* Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right 
  now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

* Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

* When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. 
  Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

* When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

* Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

* The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

* Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

* Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

* People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

* It would only take one bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

* Jack Bauer once won a game of "Connect 4" in three moves.

* Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

* "Simon Says" should be renamed to "Jack Bauer Says" because if Jack 
  Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

* The Boogie Man checks his closet for Jack Bauer before going to sleep.


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[Shamelessly pulled off boreme.com]

Click-click-click... Damn, out of taglines!