The cussing parrot



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There's this fellow with a parrot, and the parrot swears like a sailor. 
I mean he's a pistol - he can swear for five minutes straight without
repeating himself. The trouble is, the guy who owns the parrot is the 
quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is simply
driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the 
throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "STOP IT!" This, of course, 
only makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you" and locks the bird in a 
kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and 
scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with 
a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the parrot into the 
freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird 
kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words that would make even George 
Carlin or Dave Chapelle blush.

Then suddenly, it gets VERY quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird 
may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's
so worried that he opens the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, 
"Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve 
my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astonished. He can't understand this sudden transformation.

Then the parrot says, "And by the way, what did the chicken do?"


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[From the archives]

I don't beat around the bush -- I shoot right through it!