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A bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him,
and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him.

The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says,
"What'll it be?"

The man says," I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "And you?"
"I'll have a pint as well," says the ostrich. 

The bloke looks at the cat and says "I suppose you want a drink too?"
"The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't fookin' payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints and says, "That'll be eight
dollars forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around,
and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the A$8,40 in change.
A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact
amount out of the same pocket.

The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar.

"I'll have a pint," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich, 
and the cat orders up a half... "But I ain't  fookin' payin'!"  
Repeat of yesterday.

The bloke pays each time with the exact amount from his pocket. 

This becomes almost a regular routine until, late one evening, the trio
enter again.

"The same?" asks the barman. 

"Well", says the man, "it's close to last orders. I'll have a large 
scotch instead." He turns to the ostrich enquiringly.
The bird says, "Then I'll have a large scotch as well." 
The cat says, "I'll have a small scotch... but I ain't fookin' payin'!"

The barman rings up the drinks and turns, with a sly grin, "that'll be
ten thirty, please." 

To his amazement, the man pulls the exact A$10,30 out of his pocket!

As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can contain his
curiosity no longer. "Excuse me, sir, but before you leave there's
something I must know... how do you manage to always come up with the
exact change out of your pocket... every time?"

"Well", says the man, "it's a long story. But basically, several years
ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she
died, she left me her old house. Nothing special, but as I was cleaning
out the attic, I found an old lamp, and when I rubbed it, this genie 
appeared and offered me two wishes."

"That's fantastic", says the barkeep, "What did you wish for?"

"Well, if I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my
pocket and the right money will always be there."

"That's brilliant" says the barman, "most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want,
for as long as you live."

"That's right. Whether its a quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there. The best thing I ever did!"

As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, "One last thing,
sir... erhm, your friends there... we don't get many cats or ostriches
drinkin' in 'ere...?"

The man looks glum. "Yes, I know. That's probably the worst thing I
ever did, but I'm stuck with 'em. You see, for my second wish from the
genie, I asked for a chick with long legs that agrees with everything 
I say and a tight pussy."


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[From the archives]

If at first you don't succeed, buy her another drink!