The TRUE Stella Awards for 2005



----------------- [ This advertising space for rent ] ------------------

Heard about the Winnebago driver who put on the cruise control so he can
go into the back and make a cup of coffee,  and then won a million bucks 
from  the manufacturer  when it crashed?  Of course  you have,  and it's 
a BOGUS story!  Heard about the old woman who sued  McDonalds  after she 
spilled hot coffee over herself?  Yes, that's a true story!  Her name is 
Stella Liebeck,  and now there's a book featuring  all similarly idiotic 
cases of libel! Order it from http://www.stellaawards.com/book.html

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True Stella Awards #72: 31 January 2006              www.StellaAwards.com
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The TRUE Stella Awards -- 2005 Runners-Up and Winner
by Randy Cassingham

  Unlike the FAKE cases that have been highly circulated online for the
last several years (see http://www.StellaAwards.com/bogus.html for
details), the following cases have been researched from public sources
and are confirmed TRUE by the ONLY legitimate source for the Stella
Awards: www.StellaAwards.com . To confirm this copy is legitimate, see
http://www.StellaAwards.com/2005.html

  PLEASE DO FORWARD this issue -- it's allowed so long as you send it in
its entirety. MEDIA OUTLETS: See http://www.stellaawards.com/2005.html
*BEFORE* running the awards as that page has permission info and will
have any needed updates and corrections.

                                   -v-

2005 Runners-Up and Winner:

#7: Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the
  Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to
  it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed,
  yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty
  complained that offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3
  million.

#6: Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven
  by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the
  Connecticut River, and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers
  arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered
  brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess
  that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who
  risked their lives to save hers.

#5: Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of
  the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the
  procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a
  plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never
  would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified
  in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the
  doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the
  phone company! She won $1.2 million PLUS $375,000 for her husband for
  "loss of spousal services and companionship."

#4: Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home
  improvement store in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries.
  That's right: OUTSIDE the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's
  store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the
  air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for
  "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown
  out of court.

#3: Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own
  bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the
  overdraft, he filed suit over his "stress and pain" and loss of sleep
  over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount
  to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing for is
  more like being "paddled". Kinky!

#2: Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked
  cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but
  Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They
  apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her
  distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it
  in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!)
  that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may
  have to move. But hey: she won.

AND THE WINNER of the 2005 Stella Award: Christopher Roller of
  Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he
  sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their
  secrets to them -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong
  earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and
  $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the
  magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using "godly
  powers" -- and since ROLLER is god (according to him), they're
  "somehow" stealing that power from him.


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[Contributed by Randy Cassingham]