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Q: What's the difference between a gynaecologist and a genealogist?
A: A genealogist looks up the family tree. 
   A gynaecologist looks up the family bush.
 
Q: What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
 
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
 
Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A: It's not hard. 

Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body: the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde. She's eighteen.
 
Q: Why don't Baptists make love standing up?
A: Because it might lead to dancing.
 
Q: What is the difference between women and computers?
A: A woman will not take a 3.5-inch floppy.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q: Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
A: The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.

Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write
   the light bulb insertion program, and one to write a program ensuring
   that no one else changes the bulb at the same time.

Q: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
A: Stress is when the wife is pregnant, and tension is when the 
   girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant!



Sex is done by virgins out of... CURIOSITY,
by hookers for... CASH,
widows for... OLD TIMES' SAKE,
wives and husband for... DUTY, 
but the most pure and passionate sex is in... ADULTERY!



A Welsh guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend, lying in bed, replies: "I think you'll find that's a
sheep, dickhead!"
The man returns: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."



An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?" 
"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a strange question from 
somebody whose dick is on his face" 



I was walking down Biccard Street on my way to work when I saw a beggar
going about his business by collecting coins in his hat. The next day 
he had two hats in his hand, so I asked him why. 
He replied: "Business was good, so I opened another branch."



Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" is like 
having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it!"



Did you know that there is more money being spent on breast implants 
and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research?

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population 
with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of 
what to do with them!


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[Contributed by Peter, Ben, Bob, Susanna, and rec.humor.funny]

Eat well, stay fit, quit smoking, die anyway.