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Advice for bosses
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every
ten minutes to enquire how it's going. That helps.
Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives
me a chance to be really creative when someone asks where you are.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which has
higher priority. I like being a psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere else to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Should that get out,
it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done. There's no use
confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. Should
you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about
having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
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[From the archives]
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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