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Heard about the Winnebago driver who put on the cruise control so he can
go into the back and make a cup of coffee,  and then won a million bucks 
from  the manufacturer  when it crashed?  Of course  you have,  and it's 
a BOGUS story!  Heard about the old woman who sued  McDonalds  after she 
spilled hot coffee over herself?  Yes, that's a true story!  Her name is 
Stella Liebeck,  and now there's a book featuring  all similarly idiotic 
cases of libel! Order it from http://www.stellaawards.com/book.html

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What is a human resource? 

Does your organisation struggle with the problem of fitting people 
to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement:



Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in 
a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours,
without any instruction. 

At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.



If they have taken the table apart in that time, assign them to
Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, put them in Finance.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them to 
Manufacturing.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to 
Technical Publications.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to 
Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them 
to Marketing.

...and if they've left early, put them in Sales.


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[From the archives]

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.