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He doesn't have a BEER GUT, he develops a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not QUIET, he is A CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He does not have a FABULOUS REAR END, he has achieved GLUTEUS MAXIMUS
PERFECTUS.  

He is not STUPID, he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He doesn't GET LOST all the time, he discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING, he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

You do not BUY HIM A DRINK, you initiate an ALCOHOL-FOR-CONVERSATION
EXCHANGE.

He does not FART and BELCH, he is GASTRONOMICALLY EXPRESSIVE.

His jeans are not TOO TIGHT, he is ANATOMICALLY UNDERCIRCULATED.

He is not a REDNECK, he is a GENETICALLY-RELATED AMERICAN SOUTHERNER.

You do not KISS him, you become FACIALLY CONJOINED.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER, he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK, he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS, he develops a CASE OF RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.

He is not SHORT, he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not have a RICH DADDY, he is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET
INFUSION.

He does not constantly TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He does not have a HOT BODY; he is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTIBLE.

He is not UNSOPHISTICATED, he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

He does not HOG THE BLANKETS, he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He is not a SEX MACHINE, he is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG, he has SWINE EMPATHY.

You do not UNDRESS HIM WITH YOUR EYES, you have an INTROSPECTIVE
PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.

He is not AFRAID OF COMMITMENT, he is MONOGAMOUSLY DISINCLINED.





She does not GET YOU EXCITED, she causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.

She is not KINKY, she is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.

She does not have a KILLER BODY, she is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.

She does not GO SHOPPING, she is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIRHEAD, she is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She is not STUPID, she is CEREBRALLY DISADVANTAGED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY, she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY, she achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID, she is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She is not HORNY, she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP, she has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS, she is GRAVITY RESISTANT.

She does not NAG YOU, she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

She is not a SLUT, she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She is not LOOSE, she is MORALLY IMPAIRED.

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS, she is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

She does not have THIN LIPS, she is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT.


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[From the archives]

It's selfperpuatingaparahumanoidarianised!