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"I'M GOING FISHING" means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously
stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish
swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING" means: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," or "YES, DEAR..." means: Absolutely nothing.
It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD." means: "I can't hear
the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." means: "I can remember the theme song 
to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the 
registration numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your 
birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." means: 
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." means: "I have
actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I
am hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." means: "And I sure hope
I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said,
and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE" means: "I am used to the way
you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." means: "No one will ever
see us alive again."


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[Selected by Jim Griffith @ rec.humor.funny]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how 
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.