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[Today's date]


[His name]
[His house no. and street]
[His town]
[His county]
[His postcode]




Dear [____] [______],


I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further 
contention as Mr. Right. 

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and 
dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to 
make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an 
opening become available. 

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, 
please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified 
from the competition. (Check all those that apply)... 

[ ] Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, 
    hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

[ ] Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can 
    picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. 

[ ] The fact that our dining experiences to date have left MY wallet a 
    little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

[ ] You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions 
    about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. 

[ ] Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

[ ] Your legs are skinnier than mine.

[ ] You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be 
    beaten up repeatedly in the playground.

[ ] You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from 
    trying to kiss you. 

[ ] I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. 

[ ] The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
    slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. 

[ ] The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. 

[ ] You still live with your parents. 

[ ] Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek 
    uniforms a little disconcerting. 

[ ] Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect 
    that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

[ ] Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking 
    in a long-term partner.

[ ] Your height is out of proportion to your weight. 
    If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical 
    inches, please resubmit your application. 

[ ] I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.


Sincerely,
[Your name]


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[Contributor unknown]

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; 
teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks!