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Never trust a dog to watch your food. 
- Patrick, age 10

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer. 
- Hannah, age 9

Never tell your mom her diet's not working. 
- Michael, age 14

Stay away from prunes. 
- Randy, age 9

Never pee on an electric fence. 
- Robert, age 13

Don't squat with your spurs on. 
- Noronha, age 13

Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to. 
- Emily, age 10

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 
- Taylia, age 11

Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school 
assignment. - Traci, age 14

Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. 
- Mitchell, age 12

A puppy always has bad breath - even after eating a Tic-Tac. 
- Andrew, age 9

Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time. 
- Kyoyo, age 9

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 
- Armir, age 9

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 
- Kellie, age 11

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. 
- Naomi, age 15

Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick. 
- Lauren, age 9

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. 
- Joel, age 10

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's 
on the phone. - Alyesha, age 13

Never try to baptize a cat. 
- Eileen, age 8


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[Selected by Jim Griffith @ rec.humor.funny]

...cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.