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There used to be this guy who owned a bar out in the middle of nowhere.

Not too many people came to the bar, so he was trying to think of a good
gimmick to get people to come. It so happened that he was watching TV at
the time and the parade for the circus was on. As the elephants went by 
he remembered reading somewhere that elephants don't laugh.

He went down to the circus and enquired about buying an elephant. It 
just so happened that there was an elderly elephant bull that the circus 
was planning to retire. After agreeing on a price, the man bought this
elephant bull.

Back at the bar the man put a large jar on the counter with a sign:
"Make the elephant laugh. $5.00 a shot, win $5,000."

Well, a lot of people thought they could make the elephant laugh, and
soon the jar was almost full.

Then one night a man walked in and said to the bar owner, "I hear you
will give anyone who can make the elephant laugh $5,000."

"Yeah, he's out back."

After about five minutes, tremendous, deep, thundering laughter could
be heard coming from behind the bar. Everyone in the bar raced back to
see what was going on. When they got there the elephant was LAUGHING!!!  

The man could not believe his eyes. But, a bet was a bet after all and 
he paid the stranger who had made the elephant laugh his $5,000.

A few weeks later, the elephant was still laughing. 

The owner couldn't take it anymore, so he put up a new sign reading:
"Make the elephant cry. $5.00 a shot, win $5,000."

Again, a lot of people tried and failed - they just couldn't get the 
elephant to stop laughing. Finally, the man who had gotten the elephant 
to laugh in the first place walked in. Upon seeing the sign, he inquired
if anybody had had any success in getting the elephant to stop laughing. 
Since no one had, he again went back behind the bar to see the elephant.

In less than a minute a wail of grief cascaded over the bar. All the 
patrons ran out to see what was up. The elephant had huge tears running 
down his cheeks. Once again, a bet was a bet, and the bar owner paid the
man. But, before the stranger could leave, the bar owner asked how he 
had gotten the elephant to laugh, and then to cry.

"Easy." said the man, "When I first went back there I told him my dick
was bigger than his. And now I just proved it."


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[A classic from the personal archives]

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