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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the
other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly
farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "Look, I am one of the best trial attorneys
in the United States and if you don't let me get that duck I'll sue
you and take everything you own.
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this
with the 'Three Kick Rule'."
"And what is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" the lawyer asked.
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first
I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on, back
and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and figured he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the attorney. The first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work
boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second
kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end
sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit
of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm
of his jacket, he said, "Okay, and now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
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[Contributed by Peter]
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
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