Anger Management



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When you occasionally have a bad day and you just need to take it 
out on someone, don't take if out on someone you know - take it out 
on someone you don't know!


I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten 
to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude!

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed 
the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up I decided to 
call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, 
I yelled "You're an idiot," and hung up.

I wrote the number down with the word "idiot" next to it and put it in 
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying the bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an idiot." It
always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic "idiot" 
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
familiar with our Caller ID Program? He yelled "NO" and slammed down 
the phone.

I quickly called him back and said "That's because you are an idiot."

One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. 
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had 
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting 
for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a FOR SALE sign in his 
car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I had his
number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW idiot, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the 
car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes"
"Don, you're an idiot." Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it
used to be. So I came up with an idea. I called Idiot No. 1.
"Hello."
"You're an idiot." (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Idiot, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, it's a yellow house, with 
my black Beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot."

Then I called Idiot No. 2. "Hello," he said.
"Hello idiot," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your butt," he said.
I answered, "Well, idiot, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived 
at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was on my way over there to kill 
my friend.

Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going on West 34th St.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There I saw two 
idiots beating the living daylights out of each other in front of six
squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works.


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[A classic, contributed by Peter]

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. 
Tomorrow is not looking good either.