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Bad: 	You can't find your vibrator. 
Worse: 	Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Bad: 	You find a porn movie in your son's room. 
Worse: 	You're in it.

Bad: 	Your children are sexually active. 
Worse: 	With each other.

Bad: 	Your husband's a cross-dresser. 
Worse: 	He looks better than you.

Bad: 	Your son's involved in Satanism. 
Worse: 	As a sacrifice.

Bad: 	Your wife wants a divorce. 
Worse: 	She's a lawyer.

Bad: 	Your wife's leaving you. 
Worse: 	For another woman.
Worst: 	To enter a convent.

Bad: 	Your wife's arrested for soliciting. 
Worse: 	She implicates you.

Good: 	Hot outdoor sex. 
Bad: 	You're arrested. 
Worse: 	By your husband.

Good: 	The postman's early. 
Bad: 	He's wearing camouflage and has an AK-47.

Good: 	The secretary said "yes." 
Bad: 	Your wife says "no."

Good: 	The teacher likes your son. 
Bad: 	Sexually. 
Worse: 	He's gay.

Good: 	You came home for a quickie. 
Bad: 	Your wife walks in.
Worse: 	So did the postman.

Good: 	You get a three-day weekend. 
Bad: 	You get the flu on Friday.

Good: 	You get free tickets to the theater. 
Bad: 	It's performance art.

Good: 	You go to see a strip show. 
Bad: 	Your daughter's the headliner.

Good: 	Your boyfriend's exercising. 
Bad: 	So he'll fit in your clothes.

Good: 	Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". 
Bad: 	Your son, that is.

Good: 	Your daughter's on the Pill. 
Bad: 	She's eleven.

Good: 	Your neighbor exercises in the nude. 
Bad: 	She weighs 350 pounds.

Good: 	Your son's doing extra credit work. 
Bad: 	Making a sex-ed video.

Good: 	Your uncle leaves you a fortune. 
Bad: 	It's counterfeit.

Good: 	Your wife bought a porn video. 
Bad: 	Your daughter's the star.

Good: 	Your wife likes outdoor sex. 
Bad: 	You live downtown.

Good: 	Your wife meets you at the door nude. 
Bad: 	She's coming home.

Good: 	Your wife's kinky. 
Bad: 	With the neighbors. 
Worse: 	All of them.


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[Lifted off net.humour.off-colour]

Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.