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A bus station is where a bus stops. 
A train station is where a train stops. 
On my desk, I have a work station... 



If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we could be living in paradise because
they would have eaten the snake instead of the fruit!



President Bush is in the Middle East again this week to promote his 
peace plan. I really don't think Bush quite gets it. 

Like today he said; "Everything would work out in the Middle East if 
the Palestinians and the Israelis would just start acting like good 
Christians."



If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, 
"Quit while you're ahead"? 



I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible 
a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me: 
They were cramming for their finals!



I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons 
and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks? 



Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take 
   your house and car with them.



A man is dying of cancer.

His son asked: "Dad, why do tell people you are dying of AIDS?"

Dad replies: "So when I'm dead no one is going to fuck your mom."



When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. 
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way... 
so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.



Q: Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.



Undertakers have announced that when Michael Jackson dies, he will be 
melted down to make plastic toys. That way, kids can play with him for
a change...



Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to 
     give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But Mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!



A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend 
will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn... that was fun!"



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed 
up in the first place!



"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."



Teacher: "Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the 
time, works all day and every day. Then what happens?"

Little Johnny: "He gets stepped on."



It's what people don't know about each 
other that makes them such good friends.



Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and 
then I thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"



The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.



My husband and I divorced over religious differences. 
He thought he was God and I didn't!



I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather - not screaming 
and yelling like all the passengers in his bus.



Q: Why do vegetarian women NOT scream during an orgasm?
A: They refuse to admit that a piece of meat is giving them pleasure!



Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.


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[Contributed by a whole buncha people...]

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.