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Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal
her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are
all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass
along the floor!
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs,
their legs open.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for
coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to
attract men.
A: Their heels.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
Q: What is the brunette's mating call?
A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an
ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes
have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over
the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets
during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she
has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the
shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes off for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side)
I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the
pool.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by
drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit
dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of
blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to
have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat
when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in
place.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with
a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and
a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a
blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job,
it won't stop until it gets blood.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde
pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing
pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes
below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in
the meat.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday
mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest
your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to
alphabetise them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W,
or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been
making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an
M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from
the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of
her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't
know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window
during a thunder storm?
A: She loves having her picture taken (flashes, got it?).
Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question
"Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom
of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he
performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes
on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey
with the TorontoMaple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and
Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number
ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her
intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to
pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way!
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the
computer?
A1: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using
the computer?
A2: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer
once.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your
refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
bosses' faces.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is dating a redneck?
A: A huge buckle print on her forehead!
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the
impression in her forehead!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from
a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the
Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies
and a blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting
hockey player and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to
get a puck.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a
nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige... I think I'll paint the
ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blond having
her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo",
while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a
bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a
blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's
diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin
and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: Why do blonds have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short
black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls show!
Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water
into those little packages.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themselves.
A2: Walks home.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and
a smart blonde are walking down the street when
they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! There is no such thing as Santa
Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them: Two don't exist and the dumb blonde
thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building,
who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for
directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing
machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, are you sure it's mine?
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her
blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with
blonde hair?
A: Last year's hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!
Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another
blonde standing on a street corner?
A: 4 fucks, 4 fucks, 4 fucks, not for a zillion fucks, 4 fucks!
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top
of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean
to you until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand
grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the (insert team name here)?
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
R: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blonde!
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn
around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking
was a television.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she
finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 years'.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a
halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession.
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What does a moped and a fat blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket
have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: Who cares?!
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray.
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd
ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician?
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and
was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing - they've never met.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Supermarket Trolley?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom
waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering
wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your
meat out of it.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you
use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found
frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped
into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of
accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow
up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have half a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: How do you get a blonde's eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't appreaciate either you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick won't follow you around after you've laid it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito quits sucking after you slap it.
Q: Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Q: Why did the blonde quit stoping at red lights?
A: Once you've seen one you've seen them all.
Q: What do you call a virgin blonde?
A: A newborn
Q: Why can't blondes fart?
A: They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure
Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
A: Penicillin.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal
or a common ore.
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had
sugar in her urine?
A: She pissed on her corn flakes.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
A: Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse
eating oats, she's horny.
Q: What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
A: When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a bell.
Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: None, they're all true.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of
the Blonde Joke List.
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[From the HMVH archives]
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