Nursing home alternative



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With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188.00 per day, 
there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old and feeble.

I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined
long term stay discount and a senior discount. It comes to only $49.23
per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a
   swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,etc. Most have
   free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day
   will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

4. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap
   bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

5. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change
   of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice
   restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. 
   Otherwise the cash keeps building up.

6. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will
   take your reservation today. And - you are not stuck in one place
   forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. 
   Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

7. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No
   problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

8. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
   checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker 
   or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for
   the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of
   your life.

9. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
   find you, and will probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. 
   The grandkids can use the pool.


What more can you ask for?

So . . .

When I reach the Golden Age, I'll face it with a grin -- Just forward 
all my email to: me@Holiday_Inn!


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[Lifted off rec.humor.funny]