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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: 
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. 

The next day the kids came back and began to tell their story.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went 
flying and broke and made a mess." 
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.  
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"  
"Very good," said the teacher.

Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time,
but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this
story is "don't count your chickens before they're hatched." 
"That was a fine story Sarah," said the teacher.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, my daddy told me this story
about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen is a flight engineer in the Gulf War and
her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she
had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the
whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right 
in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed seventy of them with the 
machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more 
with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last 
ten with her bare hands." 

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, what kind of moral did your 
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"


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[Contributed by Peter (well, sorta!)]