With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman 
gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital, her
relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother.

Ten minutes had passed and another relative asked, "May we see the new
baby now?" "Not yet," said the mother.

Another ten minutes later, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" 
"No, not yet," replied the  mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"When it cries," she told them.
"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it 

"Because," she told them, "I forgot where I put it..."

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he's using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze. 6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Contributed by Peter and Bob]