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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, 
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and 
out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking 
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with 
a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she 
said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

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It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. 
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat 
down, the pastor leaned  over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. 
Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old 
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little 
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little 
tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up to
the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that 
farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"


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[Contributed by Susanna]