Men's rules for women


We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! 

Please note: They're all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about 
you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. 
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that 
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. 
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints 
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a 
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's 
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the 
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want 
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 
But a GPS helps!!

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have 
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of 
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like 
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to 
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster 

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're 
saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz 
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as shoes are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, you want me to sleep on
the couch tonight, but I like the bed as much as you do and that's were 
I'm sleeping. If you don't like it, you sleep on the couch, hunny...


[Contributed by Peter]