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			 EMPLOYER TALK
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"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:"
	 You'll be making under $7 an hour.

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY:"
	 You'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY:"
	 We want you to get your hopes up, but there's no chance we'll 
	 be the next Microsoft.

"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:"
	 Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be 
	 a profit.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"
	 We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"
	 We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce
	 yourself to your co-workers.

"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:"
	 Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done 
	 anything innovative since.

"IMMEDIATE OPENING:"
	 The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. 
	 We're just now running the ad.

"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:"
	 We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base 
	 salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

"SELF-MOTIVATED:"
	 Management won't answer questions.

"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:"
	 After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500
	 deductible and a $25 co-pay.

"PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS:"
	 After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, 
	 if you behave, we'll give you a 5% matching contribution.

"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"
	 ...who still live with their parents and won't mind our
	 internship-level salaries.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:"
	 We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
	 well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:"
	 We have a lot of turnover.

"EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT:"
	 Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and 
	 their weekends on yachts.

"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:"
	 We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

"FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT:"
	 Your co workers will be insulted if you don't drink with them.

"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:"
	 We booze it up at company parties.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:"
	 You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:"
	 If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:"
	 Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"SALARY RANGE $24k-$32k:"
	 We'll offer you $22k to start.

"A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION:"
	 You'll give boring speeches on your own time.

"FLEXIBLE HOURS:"
	 Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:"
	 Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"WHERE EMPLOYEES FEEL VALUED:"
	 Those who missed the last round of layoffs, that is.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:"
	 We have no quality control.

"COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:"
	 Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless 
	 like philosophy, English or religion.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:"
	 We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal 
	 formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:"
	 You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:"
	 You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:"
	 You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the 
	 pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:"
	 Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they 
	 want and do it.

"ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:"
	 You whine, you're fired.

"ASPIRATIONS FOR GROWTH WITHIN OUR COMPANY:"
	 We loooooove brown-nosers.


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