Memo from Osama



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From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Al-Qaeda Fighters
Subject: The Cave


Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but
we've really come together as a group and I love that! However,
while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise
missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in
our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health
and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've
done my bit on the cleaning rota... have you? I've also posted
a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halaal
toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
trying to scare the shit out of most of the world's population, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter
in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote
"Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my
Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please
do not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the
donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA F...S DONKEYS" on the
group toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst
I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old
excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving
myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future.
(With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.


Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.


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[Submitted by Peter]