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Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets
   out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
   irritating cunt once in a while too!

Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at
   least 13 years old.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at
   thirty miles an hour.

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
   new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education
   on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when
   it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants. If you have a penis, it's not time.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. How can you tell if a woman has used a vibrator during pregnancy?
A. The kid stutters!

Q. What do you call female Viagra?
A. Jewellery.

Q. Why do men like women in leather?
A. Because they smell like new cars.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A. Hold onto your nuts, this is going to be one hell of a blow job.

Q. How do you know when you're getting old?
A. Your dreams are dry and your farts are wet.


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[Contributed by Peter and Ben]