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Officials of the New South African government have come to realise 
that the current status of having 11 official languages in the 
New South Africa is impractical.

A new language was thus introduced.

This is the English as it is now spoken on television and radio.

The recently published New Suth Effrican Deekshunry defines these new 
weds. Here are some extracts and examples of their usage in the official 
New Suth Effrican lungwich:


Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom
Beds - mossies, doves, sea-gulls etc
Beg - container, as in shopping beg, hend-beg, tog-beg
Ben - to set alight
Chealdren - our future is in their hands
Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays
Cuds - you can play poker or rummy with them
Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle
Debben - city in KwaZulu Natal
Deekshunry - where you find weds
Detty - opposite of clean
Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi
Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all off
Ebben - you get ebben erriors and rural erriors
Effrican - from the continent of Africa
Erriors - districts, e.g. ebben erriors
Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair, Lufthansa etc
Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American
Fest - the one before second and third
Fok - used with nifes
Fum - you can fum with ship or kettle
Fumma - he owns the fum
Guddin - where you grow kebbijees
Geave - you MUST geave, I WILL take
Get - a hinged device in a fence
Hair - as opposed to heem
Heppi - state of elatement, e.g. I'm so heppi - I just voted
Hiss - masculine form of hairs
Hubba - where sheeps dock
Jems - little bugs that give you the flu
Kah - what you drive around in
Kebbijees - vegetable
Keptown - some think parliament doesn't belong there
Kettegry - in a system of classification
Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper
Kleenix - where nesses wek
Kot - where the judges sit
Len - to acquire knowledge
Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, Mbeki the president
Lungwich - weds what are spokkin
Nesses - they wek in kleenix and hospitals
Pee pull - powa to da pee pull
Peppa - one way to get the news
Pesson - one of pee pull
Pees - symbolised by white dove
Pees-Tox - between IRA and Tony Blair
Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Orange
Regime - anything to describe pre-1994
Ree kwest - replaced by dee mands
Sheep - big boat
Shex - houses in squatter camps
Ship - provider of wool
Shuck-attak - if the shuck-net is brokkin
Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweemas
Spitch - what politicians make at a relly
Sweemas - compete in a sweeming pul
Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi
Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot day
Tipic ally - characteristically
Tocks - negotiations
Ummy - military force
Wee men - ladies
We pon - a gun
Wean-dow - with glus for throwing bricks through
Weaner - the one with the most votes
Weds - what the dictionary is made up of
Wekkas - do the wek
Weld - the whole eth
Wems - small crawly creatures


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[Thenks to Peter for this new veshan!]