------------------------------------------------------------------------


1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
   reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
   you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging 
   from her at that moment.

3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, 
   gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, 
   deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to 
   make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
   want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race 
   has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that 
   word would be "meetings."

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
   people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all
    of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, 
    He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad 
    hairstyle.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice 
    person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too 
    seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one 
    individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. 
    Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


- Dave Barry


------------------------------------------------------------------------