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Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives
us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can
see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only
time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream "Listen Honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will,
too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves
and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks??"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can
still retain is water.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?



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