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Due to increasing product liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers
have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers:


WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
moron.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH
YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like
thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in 
the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species or name you
cannot remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, more handsome and smarter than that really, really big
guy named Bubba.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones
appearing in your home.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people
are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) periods of time seem to
literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

WARNING! the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe 
real gode.



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