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"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. 
On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
...Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
...Sharon Stone

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane:
Either you have diarrhea, or you're eager to meet people who do."
...Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's
reading."
...Steve Jobs (Co-Founder: Apple Computers)

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee -- 
the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
...Dan Rather (News anchorman)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. 
I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
...Arnold Schwarzenegger

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
...Courteney Cox (Monica on "Friends")

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black
men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
...Tiger Woods

"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive
scrotum!'"
...Patricia Arquette

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live 
in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are 
apparently doing quite well for themselves."
...Jerry Garcia (previously of The Grateful Dead)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
...Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
...Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
man's genitals through his wallet."
...Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the only time of the month that I can be myself."
...Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
...Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful."
...Robert De Niro

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder
Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough
attention to women's breasts?"
...Hugh Grant

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
...Dustin Hoffman

"When the sun comes up, I have morals again."
...Elizabeth Taylor

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think,
'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
...Jerry Seinfield

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
don't like and just give her a house."
...Rod Stewart


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